The darkness within some

I think I have mentioned before about one of the people I am currently living with, his ways and how he is. But over the weeks it seems his true personality is coming to the fore more and more. I have always known what is within him but he always kept it in check, hiding it from the world in a way, now only it seems to be slowly coming out and in force!

Two weeks ago I was sitting up front with him driving, my mother in the back because of the cast on her foot and we came to a robot or as it is called “Traffic light” in other countries. There was a begger lady in tattered clothes walking between our car and the one in front… what does he do… he lets go of the break and lurches the car forward as to hit her, when I looked at him he was grinning.

Now this man is one of the biggest racists I have ever met, he has afrikaans heritage (no offence) and rants non stop about how bad their race is, how pathetic they are and how nothing they do is ever right. When the cops are caught beating people up etc he claims in big shouts how they must get the bleep out of the country. I hesitate to tell him that the very people that taught the now cops to do what they do is in actual fact the generation of whites he comes from. They did far worse during the Apartheid regime, go watch Red Dust with Hillary Swank in, that is a true depiction of what actually happened back then. He goes on about the uneducated people and how pathetic they are, but who took away their right to education?

This man at the best of times repulses me with the way he acts, talks and thinks. I feel sorry for him because he is also one of the most insecure people I know, he may have a good heart but it is always for gain, he has a very dark side… and he is the one driving us, my mother and I, to say good bye to Nessa - Ironic deluxe really.

He seems to be getting worse now though, he does things on purpose when he knows we don’t like it. Silly things really, I don’t eat organs (liver, kidney, etc) - he goes out to get us pies, he will get us steak and kidney. I can’t eat too much salt because of my condition, it increases the pain and makes the lumps grow… he throws in extra for good measure… I can’t eat too much fatty foods because it does the same, increases it all… he butters bread with (I’ve measured it for a laugh) a 5mm thickness of the fattiest margarine known to man… just can’t figure out if it is on purpose or not, it feels as if it is and my mother concurs.

Sad thing is that she tells me he has always been like that but can’t leave him till her business is up and running. I am not one for confrontation and do not want to aggravate the situation even more especially for my mother because she would take the emotional hit. I take my time, I listen as much as I can but sometimes I can’t keep quiet and I do tell him the reality that is not warped by his mind… he shuts up for a while not saying another word on the matter…

I do not do aggressive people, they are far worse than the ignorant, I do not do confrontation… just need to bide my time and pop them pain killers more than ever, scrape the butter off the bread when he is not looking, drink a gallon of water after every meal… (No we are not allowed in the kitchen, he gets angry when I make a piece of toast for myself even if I make a cup of coffee… no jokes)

This to shall pass and there is a lesson in this as well… it shows me what I don’t like, shows me more than ever the difference between good and evil, it teaches me patience and caution with words, it teaches me to handle confrontation, not to run away but rather stay listen and respond at the right time… he saps my energy and I am learning to keep it higher and to block it, phew the lessons never end! … I am glad they don’t for I am learning with an open heart as always… I’d rather be me than him, I have a full life even with all its ups and downs…

… another ramble by a rambling soul…