Iridescent stars within the dark of night

My life in a way is a fairy tale, a real life fairy tale of meeting twin souls, amazing people and awakening unto a new world. At the start this was no fairy tale though, it was the darkest night known to man, perhaps you could call it Cinderella finding finding her soul…

The climax? It was one night with 30 pills neatly arranged in a Virgo way in the palm of my hand. I sat there with a bottle of whiskey and I stared at the pills, I said out loud “God I can’t carry on this way, please show me, bring me people that will teach me to hope again, bring into my life people that will give me hope once more in the world, show me that not all humans are evil, show me that friendships can be formed that are true and real, help me see the light in the dark”. I was not a believer in a God, I did not speak about him nor recognise him but I spoke to him in the hope that he existed.

After that dreadful night I decided that I would keep watch for signs, give this bloke they called God a chance, I continued the life I lead and because I was open and looking for the signs I was in turn open to life without me even knowing it… and so the fairy tale began…

Once upon a time I was a Suit kitted out with fancy heels and bag, jetting around finding people work in a wonderland of an unemployed nation, finding people jobs and getting them settled in their new lives. I met and spoke to many people, some wonderful people who became fast friends and souls that taught me what I didn’t want to be when I grew up. What everyone didn’t know was that I was in the process of evolving into my true self.

I kept to myself most of the time giving myself time to heal and come to terms with the past and my evolution into the future, all of that was wrapping my head around the lamp post. I reinvented myself, dyed my head blonde, painted my nails a different colour and started painting again. It was a quiet journey, the start of an awakening of the soul one that will never end.

As you will have read in my previous posts I had lost friends due to my decisions in life, I was cold on the inside and I had lost faith in humanity. Our experiences can change our views on the world and for me it was a dark cold place this human world of ours.

One day I got an email from an old friend, my twin soul in another lifetime, it simply said “Where have you been all these years?”. We got to chatting via the local online host of gmail and reconnected once more. The upward spiral had began, never to end, forever changing night to day, step by step. She opened me up to life again like a flower in bloom, she started giving me hope in humanity once more and showed me that life was possible, humans weren’t that bad.

One day on one of my many flights back home late at night after a hard day of work I found myself on a beautiful 727 SAA Express flight headed towards Cape Town. I plopped down into my seat and, as you always do, I looked to the person sitting in the other seat and there sat a beautiful soul before my eyes. Fully kitted out in dreads, hip shoes and concert gear off to see Matisyahu, we started chatting about music, life, race and politics. Two souls stuck on a plane, we didn’t stop talking for one moment. He was a soul on a mission to get music out there, had been involved in a music documentary about hip hop and managing a few bands in his local area of Eastern Cape.

While we were chatting people were looking at us with strange looks on their faces, first of all a suit chatting to what they took for a Rasta and then secondly a white talking to someone of colour. We didn’t care, we didn’t see each other’s colour or the clothes, the outside appearance, we connected and had common interests, for us it was not the outside appearance that was important it was the soul. This man showed me that indeed it was possible, his passion for music, the nation and all of its people gave me hope in the world, gave me hope in humanity. The only time we have spent together to date are those two hours spent on the plane, but kindred spirits we will remain.

Slowly life was showing me that the world isn’t such a bad place, it was showing me one step at a time that the light exists if you are open to it, it was bringing the brightest sunlight into the darkest days.

A few months passed and some older friendships, pre evolution, showed that my awakening was not to their liking, they prefered the docile spirit of the one before, they didn’t like the new improved version and slowly the friendships died. I accepted those for what they were, mere lessons along the journey of life and I am still in contact with them, I let them know I am around if they ever need me but I don’t participate as much anymore.

Life continued and threw me another curve ball, a gift from the Gods, my brother and sister-in-law called me up one day and said “Listen your sister is arriving soon and we are going away all of us, you’re coming”. I was in shock, I hadn’t spoken to my sister close on 10 years, hadn’t seen my brother close on two, and I didn’t quite know if I wanted to, too much time had passed, too many things left unsaid. The easier option would have been to pull out, between you and me, I only decided on the day they picked me up if I was actually going to go, I was grateful that I did. My sister and I turned out to be twin souls, we hugged and we talked, we reconnected. It wasn’t only with my sister that I reconnected it was also with my brother and my sister-in-law. We got to know each other again, once more life showed me the light at the end of the tunnel, I now had family which I never had before.

I continued, step by step, to be astounded how lucky I was, I packed in my life to start anew, got an amazing job in a country that ended up not wanting me, I gave up my home, put my stuff in storage. I had decided to leave my job before I knew whether I had gotten the visa or not so that I could go to the UK to see my friend, to say goodbye to him. It was not a process of decision making, it was an automatic “happening”. I was given the chance to say goodbye and to experience the hard lesson I talked about in my last post. I was given one of the greatest gifts of all, I got the chance to say goodbye.

The greatest sadness overtook my soul after his death, the loss of my friend hurt in ways I had never experienced before, the loss of other friends and family members had never hurt as bad as this did. I was once again in one of the darkest places known to man. Life stepped in again by bringing me a person with great insight, wisdom and humour. She sent me the odd emails and wrote posts that connected with my soul and without even knowing it I started to smile again, a crazy American you must understand. Life wasn’t just satisfied in sending me one person though, he sent me many. All the comments on those posts lifted my soul, it raised me up and it slowly helped me get back on my feet again as did the posts that everyone wrote.

Life continued, I returned to SA and the re-adjustment to Africa began once more. This time though the countries attitudes got to me more than before, the poverty and the violence is now to the extreme which in turn got me down, at times despondent, I’m sensitive to these things and can’t bear to see them happening. Again life showed me that there is light, the friendships that started last year grew stronger and new ones formed. Life brought me a crazy woman from the land of India, we instantly connected, talked the same, often saying the same things at the exact same time. A light in the dark once more adding to all the other lights I’ve already collected.

By now I have started my own universe of lights in the dark sky, I have a menagerie of the brightest stars, gifts from life/fate/God to show me that there is hope, love, life and friendship in the world if we are open to it. For every dark period I seem to have collected a star that holds the most amazing light, if for every dark day it means I get to collect another star, I hope that I have many more.

Each time I meet one of these people it opens my eyes once more to the real world out there. So often we can get despondent with the world, the people around us and life that we forget to look for what we long for. We are not open to seeing the true gifts in human spirit that are out there. Since my awakening journey began I have seen and met many GGG’s, more than I had ever hoped existed, I haven’t mentioned all of them for lack of space and not wanting to bore you to tears if I haven’t done so already.  Let me just tell you, GGG’s, they really do exist and are real.

I tell you this long story so that you can see that it was a process, I would never have cherished all these people in my life, all these stars if I had never known life without them… Everything happens for a reason.

The beauty in life and the world is there, we just have to take off our shades and let the light in and if you still can’t find any, let me know and I will put you into contact with them so that you to can see that they are real, that there are many good souls out there.

The world isn’t sick if it means that there are people like you in the world, people who want to make a difference, people who want to help make the world a better place, people who care.

The night sky is a reflection of all the good souls on this earth, if it is dark right now go outside and just look up into the sky or if it is day go to googlespace, take a good look and take in just how many stars there are… and that is only in your patch of the woods, that sky surrounds the entire planet!

As there are stars in the heavens there are the stars on this earth, for each and everyone of you I thank you

Moby - We are all made of stars…

Growing in numbers
Growing in speed
Can’t fight the future
Can’t fight what I see

People they come together
People they fall apart
No one can stop us now
‘Cause we are all made of stars

Lessons of lovers
Left in my mind
I sing in the reaches
We’ll see what we find

People they come together
People they fall apart
No one can stop us now
‘Cause we are all made of stars

People they come together
People they fall apart
No one can stop us now
‘Cause we are all made of stars

Slow slow slow, come come
Someone come come come
Even love is goin’ ’round
You can’t ignore what is goin’ ’round

Slowly rebuilding
I feel it in me
Growing in numbers
Growing in peace

People they come together
People they fall apart
No one can stop us now
‘Cause we are all made of stars

People they come together
People they fall apart
No one can stop us now
‘Cause we are all made of stars

People they come together
(People they come together)
People they fall apart
(People they fall apart)
No one can stop us now
(No one can stop us now)
‘Cause we are all made of stars
(We are all made of stars)

We are all made of stars
People they come together
We are all made of stars
(People they fall apart)
We are all made of stars
(No one can stop us now)
‘Cause we are all made of stars
(We are all made of stars)