Fighting the Gut

No I am not talking about the stomach, I am talking about that gut feeling, that instinct that we all have but so often run from because it doesn’t fit into logic… you know the one.

So often we come to a crossroads in our lives and we start thinking, thinking fast becomes analysing and then turns to the extreme of over analysing.  We soon find that we get to a point that our minds turn to mush with inner turmoil and the stress that it creates makes us slowly feel as though we have truly lost our minds.  It is almost as if we are torn in two, our guts say one thing and then our minds tell us another, the logical side.

What if we just went on our gut?  So often we fear what our gut says, our minds tell us that its absolute bollocks (bullshit), logic is the way to go, no other way makes sense right… wrong!  Why else would that gut be there if we weren’t meant to listen to it or at least listen and process what it has to say to us?

For those who have followed my blog you will know about the infamous ex.  I was with him for six years and through out that time I was often asked why the hell I didn’t leave him, why I stayed with him.  I always said it didn’t feel right to leave, it wasn’t the right time, what felt right was staying with him for the now.  Now I can just see you sitting there shaking your heads at that statement.  As I said in my previous posts it was an emotional subjection, I had no control.  There are many reasons for me leaving, part emotional, part growth, part needing to evolve into what I am now.  But there is also that gut, when I left I ran on gut, it felt right and it felt like it was time.  I left with nothing except my clothes and a few small items, I left everything behind, borrowed furniture, my bed was borrowed, my fridge, my kettle, the works.  Logic says I should never have left, logic says I should have stayed and saved up, logic says that I was mad.

If I had never listened to my gut but rather followed logic it begs the question just where I would be today, or where would he be for that matter.  I would not be where I am today spiritually that is for sure, I would still be stuck in the emotional subjection, I would never have evolved to the point I am now, just where would I be?  He, the ex, would never have met his soul mate just 2 months of me walking out, he would not be over the cocaine or the alcohol nor gotten married 3 weeks ago.  No I am not bitter at all, I am actually really happy for him because it just shows what trusting my gut could do, we had different journeys but were there for each other to learn certain things, my gut said its time and I called it.

I also worked for a company, they were great to begin with, they had youthful vibrancy and never said no to an idea, we fitted like a glove.  Things got bad 3 years in, the company had many difficulties forcing them to change their vibrant sound core morals twisting it into a place filled with in-fighting, victimisation and abuse.  It got to a point where you had to watch your back in case someone tuck a knife in or framed you.  Jealousy or arrogance, I don’t know which, probably a bit of both.  Our business line, non engineering, was doing well, the other lines, all engineering weren’t… you make up your mind what it was.  I stayed for two years, I didn’t leave because it just didn’t feel like the right time to go.  I was asked often why not just get the hell out, like before, I told everyone it just didn’t feel right.  So I stuck to it working longer and harder to cover all my tracks, to make the business line stronger and more secure.  My colleague and I took it from a R100,000 a year operation to a multi-million a year, we worked harder than ever and were crucified even harder because of it.

The day came when gut told me to get out and get out fast, I put my CV up on a UK based recruitment website and got a response that same day, 2 hours after doing it.  What began as a gut instinct “put your CV up online now” became what it is today.  I flew to England for the interviews, I only went to one, I got the call 2 days later saying that please would I consider the company I had been interviewed by, begging me not to look further than them and that they would sort everything out for me.  I accepted their job offer… Logic said wait, gut said don’t.  I followed gut, now some might say “Crumbs woman are you bonkers!” I resigned and left in October.  Yes there were other reasons for me leaving, like my friend in England but like everything there is gut and there is logic.  Logic said fly over say goodbye to said friend and go back and work until you get your visa.  Gut said leave said company, pack up flat, pack bags and fly to England, no matter what happens it is for a reason and will work out.

So I went off to England, no visa in hand and yes in the end I didn’t get the visa even after trying three times. Gut said go to Ireland, I got a job there as well now awaiting for the visa.  I came home to look after my mother who had had 5 major operations in one day just 3 days before I landed back in SA.

Since I have been back logic would say go get a job, get a house again.  Instead I am homeless, jobless and happy… odd?  No, by listening to my gut I have come to this point in my life, I have evolved to who I am and I am growing everyday, learning and expanding within my soul.  On any given day I will get a call from someone who knows someone for computer lessons, painting lessons, web design, brand image rejuvenation or creation… and then the strange calls to be someone’s personal clothing stylist, photographer for clothing ranges, property and portfolios.  Destiny? Who knows all I know is that my gut is looking after me, I followed it and listened to it.  If I could go back in time and go on logic, would I? The answer is no because I would never have experienced all that I have done in the last couple of months.

I sit here and wonder just where I would have been if I hadn’t listened to my gut, if I hadn’t trusted my heart… I do wonder… Perhaps I would still be unhappy in a company where people are out for blood, perhaps I would still be stuck in that place where stress is your daily bread and all because logic said “earn a living, earn money, don’t give up your house, don’t be homeless”.

I am following my dream which is destiny, I have given up control to my gut - nuts? Perhaps… but you know what… it is the most freeing experience in my life to be able to trust my gut.

Ever tried going against it, try and pull away from it, try and ignore it? Ten to one it will come back and bite you and hard!

How often do we actually trust our guts without even thinking about it…

Trusting your gut and putting logic at bay can be a scary thing indeed, but when will we ever start living, really living if we don’t… it is the most freeing thing in the world, it is also the most incredible feeling, the feeling that the here and now feels right, it feels solid even when it looks shaky to others… here and now…

Each to their own, I understand that sometimes logic does have to win the day but all I say is allow that inner voice to talk, allow your heart to listen, not only your heart but your mind as well… Let your heart, mind and inner voice communicate together, talk together, when you let that happen ten to one you will be on the right road, the one that is right for you and your life’s journey.  Stop over analysing and start living, living for today…

If your gut says take a different road to the normal one you travel on every day do you take it?