A few slight misconceptions I am hoping that TV & Media have abolished… While travelling I was always asked the same questions about Africa, people thought of me as brave and courageous but I digress, the normal questions and my responses…

Question: Aren’t you scared of walking around, what if the lions get you?

My Answer: Not at all, if they come towards you or look like they’re going to attack just stare them in the eyes, if that doesn’t work we just whip out your bow & arrow and take him home to eat.

Question: Don’t the leopards scare you?

My Answer: No I actually have 5 of them as pets, my neighbour has 7… we use them for running practice on the landstrip right outside my house, sometimes they win the race sometimes I do…

Question: Must be really strange walking around in animal skin…

My Answer: Oh no not at all if you visit you’ll find we have quite a wide variety available, you’ll really like them I think, I must say that I prefer animal skin soaked in diesel than a levi but we can’t always find that particular animal, very rare and costs a fortune.

Question: Have you ever seen a Toyota?

My Answer: What’s that sounds like a cool toy, have you ever heard of a Lotus, Bugatti or Maserati?

Question: How did you get here?

My Answer: Well you know, it was a really long trip, first I travelled by foot, then picked up an elephant, then when the elephant was tired I used a contraption similar to Da Vinci’s flight machine, then when the winds died I caught a raft over the seas and magic here I am, really exhausting though, it has taken me a whole 12 hours!!!

Question: Don’t you find it hard doing your washing in the river?

My Answer: Not at all, I do the whole communities, use a barrel, stand on top of it and practice my balance as the current takes me downstream then I hang up the washing on twigs in the trees while the elephant blows them dry.

Question: Can I post you something, do you actually get mail in Africa?

My Answer: Well if you are sending it from over the seas we will have to send someone to fetch it. See in Africa we have people that run across the country delivering letters written in charcoal with leaves as stamps, some days they are faster than others, all depends which pub they stop off in. We are hoping that this will change though, just before I left I heard a village announcement that they will now be using leopards and cheetahs to deliver the mail, very good news I can you tell me!

Question: You must really enjoy our Coca Cola huh?

My Answer: To be honest our fruit juice is a lot better, less sugar, if I can’t have that then our Fanta is quite nice, less sweet than yours, would you like me to mail some to you?

Question: What’s the gold like in your area?

My Answer: Unfortunately my area is not very well populated with gold although I did find a 5 carat diamond while digging in my vegetable patch.

Enough said though in real life I have played with Cheetah’s, had a Giraffe eat from my hand, walked amongst zebra’s, been close to a Rhino, seen a lion and hopefully will soon play with lion cubs