Needing love to feel worth
May 16, 2008I think it is really something to know your own worth and appreciate it without needing other people to substantiate or confirm it. To really love yourself and to love who you are, to know yourself and who you are, to be yourself and who you really are is quite possibly one of the most difficult things in life.
Our insecurities can drag us down, they can make us do things which all seem to hurt us in the end. I was with a cocaine addict for longer than I should have been because I started to feel that is all I was worth, that that was my lot in life and I just had to deal with it, it was all I was worth. For those who have travelled with me in the blogosphere will know there is more to that, point is that I was looking for worth in the wrong places.
I attached worth to the relationship that reflected my own self worth, right or wrong?
Truth is that I don’t think anything in this world will make us happy unless we are happy with ourselves for ourselves, not for anyone else just ourselves. We might meet our soul mate but if we are not at peace with ourselves what are the chances of that relationship lasting?
I once heard a saying “You shouldn’t be with someone because you need them but rather because you want to be with them” - Need is often outgrown, what will fill that void when it does?
So often we don’t see it as need, we just want to be loved, have someone to go home to, someone that fills us, we think that is what it is all about, we believe that we are not whole until we have someone else in our lives that loves us, we believe that if we are single we are an anomaly and that we are worthless. Often to add fuel to the fire, we are asked about our partners, we are asked when we are going to get one - worth is added to our needs.
Self worth and respect is more important than anything else, without it the reality is that no matter how much you love something or someone, if it’s purpose is to fill a hole, it will fade, move on and outgrow.
How can you truly love someone else if you don’t love yourself?
How can you respect someone else if you don’t respect yourself?
How can you give freely if you don’t give to yourself?
Need - something that is temporary, fills an immediate gap/hole, is a necessity
Want - something that lasts, adds to you, is something you choose, you desire
Loving yourself is key…
… just another rambling by a wondering soul …
“happy with ourselves for ourselves, not for anyone else”
YES!!
there is no other way
Absolutely correct; even if we feel love for another, even think that we are in love, if we despise ourselves, have shame or hatred in ourselves, we cannot really, truly give ourselves in full love to another. Love has to be self-taught; of course, that does not always come first, therefore relationships start and fail. We need to feel secure in our true sense of self, so that we can fully bring it to our relationships, and our partner can do the same, so there is truth, mutuality, understanding, and respect for our uniqueness and connection at the same time. If we don’t fully love and accept ourselves, or at least make a journey toward that, than what we share and develop with our partner will become hollow, because we will either feel like we don’t deserve the good stuff, or we do deserve the bad……..
Thank you again for your reflections that speak so clearly to where I have been, and where I am going……Tons o’ hugs…..V
Thanks V … I believe “what if’s” are the consequence of the above… way too many what if’s in life, time wasting and not living as we were meant to
Tons o’ hugs back to you tooz
Very beautifully spoken!!
“Loving yourself is key…”
So true…sage post!
I read your comment on tobeme…liked it, and followed you home.
Good energy to you!
Your post made me think about the social pressures to be with someone. It’s funny that it doesn’t end when you do connect with someone and form a romantic partnership. After that, there are the questions about when the children will arrive, etc. It’s suffocating! We are all alone in a sense, that we arrive in the world an individual, and exit it in the same manner. We’re a complete entity, and to really share ourselves with another person I agree that we do need to understand this.
Spillay - thanks
Ilegirl… I always find it interesting, when you’re single it is “So when are you going to find a man” next comes “When are you getting married” next “When are you going to start having kids” next “when are you going to have another kid” then “when are your kids going to have kids” never ends - it is pointless and filled with pressure. Suffocating indeed, I am just grateful that my family now think that I am weird and eccentric - those silly Q’s have stopped, there is definite benefits to being “arty”
Gypsy-heart - welcome and thank you
good energy to you to!
The fairytales told us: the princess met her prince and then they lived happily ever after. So we grow up believing we need another person to be complete. But as you say, we need to be complete on our own. Love can enhance our lives, but it will not save us. Even here it’s about being able to be quiet, be with one’s self, and be happy. Amen!
Similar to nursery rhymes - most of them are about death Ringer ringer rosie for example - plague… they are archaic… we need new modern day ones! or at least a warning on the end for children “Please note that fairytales do happen if YOU love yourself first” lol
“How can you give freely if you don’t give to yourself?”
Amen!
So simple yet so profound. We, as human beings, are like automobiles. We can drive on and on and on until we run out of gas. If you don’t stop to refuel guess what happens? You stop.
You cannot give and give until you are tapped out. You have to take a little bit of time to reenergize yourself.
Then and only then can you spread love…Because then you have that love to share.
Toddyenglish, that is one of the best analogies I have ever heard, its absolutely brilliant in its reality… how very true! Thanks for the comment and welcome to the land of insanity that is sanity