Dear Captors
May 20, 2008I would just like to thank you for all that you have done, for all the years you held me in captivity. For the times that you beat me black and blue, abused me, the times you took my ability to walk away, the times you made me think of myself unworthy, the times when I thought I was subhuman and worthless, pathetic and an aberration to the human race.
Those years were the biggest blessing to me, each single moment that you put me through, a lesson for my soul, a lesson to my future, to my now. I will be forever grateful for the survival skills you enforced in me, for making me stronger than I would’ve been without you, for helping me be who I am today.
I want you to know that I do not harbour any grudge, I feel no hate nor anger for what you did to me, only happiness that you did. The years you held me captive are the past, they have no affect on my future, you will never again hold me in your grasp nor will I believe the lies you told me. I will never again believe that I am worthless or pathetic, I will never cower in the corner and take the brunt of your “punishment” for living, for being born, for breathing.
I am not a product nor am I a survivor of all that you did to me but rather a person who has just seen the darker side of life and now appreciates the light, a person with empathy to mankind and to the earth, a person who cares and who feels fully, you have no hold on me.
I may from time to time talk about the years you kept me captive. I do this not to stroke your ego or to enhance what you did but rather to share the lessons that you taught me and to show others that may still be captive that it is possible to break free from your tight grasp.
I would also like to say a big thank you to the fight that is within me, you have protected me when the going was tough, you got me through the darkest days of captivity, when the air was strangled from my very being. You ran on auto-pilot finding corners to sleep in and doors to run out of, when all looked hopeless you kept me going, for that I will be eternally grateful. Thank you.
I want you to know that I have broken free from you, I breathe full breathes with a real smile on my face, I laugh until I cry and you know what?
I love myself and I love you too
Me
Wow; that is intense, beautiful, and so hopeful. I applaud you as a champion of your own life. Enjoy every second of your freedom, I can tell that you do…….. Lots of hugs, V.
Thanks you, It’s been a long time coming and boy do I enjoy my freedom, every nano second of it
*hugs* Mwah
This reads as if it was written effortlessly, yet the territory is treacherous. A wonder. You.
congratulations… life has its weird way of letting you appreciate it, right? the best thing is that you are triumphant about it. congratulations again.
Wow. Congratulations. Looks like you’ve kicked out quite a few spokes from the wheel of samsara
Really. That’s amazing.
Definitely enjoy the “now.” It’s really all we have.
very meaningful..
congrats!
Pat, Thanks for your kind words - life can be scary it becomes less so when you accept it for what it was/is/will be
ifoundme - I was held captive for many many years not as a victim but rather with the resultant negative thought biases, my thought processes were so warped that it prohibited me from really living. I said goodbye to it a long time ago but never fully, it’s been a long journey but a good one, thanks
Blacklin - I am morphing into the real me, I can not do that without thanking and saying goodbye to the past, thanks
Jonathan - Thanks
Powerful, inspirational, and I really admire you for transforming your experience this way. Thank you for sharing; I know it’s not easy. Reading this went right through me! Shivers of anticipation for the adventure of ahead of you! You certainly are evolving.
WHO IS THIS ABOUT?
Martha - Thank you for your kind words, it’s been a long journey to me, am almost there
Persistent - it is to all the people that abused me, each and everyone, including myself… don’t know if that answered your question?
I’m sorry. I was really hoping this post was about metaphorical abuse.
The part about myself is - the abuse that I put on myself, the negative thought biases and the likes there of, that part of me is the part that I was saying goodbye to and a thank you… its good riddance but it taught me alot
Wow, you have taken a freaking amazing journey.
Thank you, it is not without help from my friends, as you put it in your post, the awesome ones… it took me longer because I was surrounded by poison feeding my biases, perhaps that is the way I wanted it because they affirmed my beliefs in myself.