Masonry Queen becomes Patient Gardener

I am the definition of contradiction, I am the Queen Mason and Patient Gardener, I am both and all at the same time.

From the age of naught, since the time I was but a spec on the imagination of my mother and possibly my fathers mind’s, I have been the Gardener in the people I meet’s lives. A wilting flower? No sweat I will water that sagging flower within you until it blooms once more in all its wonderful colour and array. That is who I am, that is how I have always been, that is how I will always be.

All the while I water your spiritual garden I neglect mine, instead of doing the required regular weed pulling, planting and watering I build walls. Walls around my spirit, my soul, who I really am, I hide. I am the expert in where these walls go, how they are built, how high they should go and what bricks to use. I am the Queen of Masonry.

I understand that in order for me to water your garden I have to do at least a bit of tending to my own, but not to the levels I should have. After all How much water can be thrown over a high wall? How easy is it planting a gorgeous orchid when you are balancing on the top of a wall the height of a skyscraper? Not easy, no. Perhaps my strength in tending to other peoples spiritual gardens is so strong for the fact that I have never really concentrated on my own. My gardening skills are unbalanced if you will.

When you are in a relationship, be it with a partner or with a friend, there are always three gardens to attend to much like the picture below - yours, mine and ours.

Firstly, on the left is your garden that you yourself need to tend to, look after, water, plant and weed.

Then on the right is your partners or friends garden, they to have to water, plant and weed making sure that it survives and grows.

Then finally we get the garden in the middle, our garden, this to needs to be watered, weeded and new plants planted every now and then.

If one of these three gardens is not being attended to then it becomes unbalanced, in discord and will start to resemble something much like a dead ant sucked dry by a leech, it can happen so fast, with a blink an eye, poof all dried out.

Look after your own garden too much and the other two get neglected, enough neglect and they slowly wither and die. The same is true when it comes to looking after the other two gardens more than your own, just this time yours is the one that withers.

All three gardens can be healthy and thriving, the balance perfect in the sense that all gardens are being weeded, watered and encouraged to grow but this takes hard work and practice. Just like anything else, like any garden, you can’t just put a garden together and expect it to grow. No, unfortunately you need to know which kind of plants work best under the different weather conditions, which plants need shade and which prefer full sunlight, how much to water them and what to plant next to them. Then on top of that “knowledge” you also need to think about the colours, sizes and fragrances of the plants you’re putting in your garden, do they compliment each other? Do they work well on the “whole”? and finally do they compliment the middle garden and in turn the third garden?

Now if you are a good mason such as I am, your garden will be filled with walls ranging from little hurdles through to impressive skyscrapers. How do you know where to plant the plants in your garden when you need to travel through an intricate maze first? Never mind knowing where to plant, how do you know what to plant because the sunlight falls differently depending on the day, month and season. The best yet is, how do you know what has already been planted if you can’t see over the walls in the first place?

With all that in mind how can we ever expect to know if someone else’s garden compliments ours if we don’t know what we have to begin with.

We are all masons in our own right, some of us are better with more experience, we all build walls. It is what we do with those walls that matters. Do we leave them up as permanent fixtures or do we instead break them down and use the remaining bricks in a water feature or paving the path in between the flower beds…. What we do is up to us.

I never knew what was in my garden, I was always busy watering others more than my own, the walls sky high, the sunlight very rarely filtered in. Ultimately, no matter what I did, I would never find the perfect partner or the friend that complimented my personality, my nature or my plants.

I still have many many walls to break down, 29 years worth of walls, all of them different sizes, densities and heights. I am retiring as the pro-mason now, I am handing in my wall making tools.

I am now a full time gardener, how about you?

Thank you to those adults that care!

I was chatting to a friend tonight about something close/related to the contents of Influencing Kids and something that was said hit me really hard right between the eyes. Following this was a comment by SymbolicGodzilla about his friend who grew up in a house with zero parental guidance.

It really made me think about those cravings I had growing up. It is true what the therapists say about kids wanting guidance, wanting boundaries and rules. Without them you grow up never knowing where you stand in life, the world, with people around you and just everyday situations. Living with zero guidelines can cripple you as an adult, slow your progress and pretty much chop your legs off before you start to walk.

Having someone external from your immediate family nucleus take you under their wing, guide you and give you support is one of the biggest blessings you can have as a kid. Normally it is your mother or father but when they are just the sperm donors then an Aunt, Uncle, friends parent or older cousin really do help.

I’m not even talking about anything major, a simple smile or a nod used to boost me some days, a hug, a laugh, an offer of a lift, guidance, baking cookies, playing a bit of football outside, a quick chat about a boring adult topic, anything normal. I say anything normal because these kids lives are anything but normal and the fastest way to pull them back from the edge is to show them that normal exists. A simple act on your part can brighten the roughest of days, nights, weeks, months or even years.

There are so many kids going through rough times, kids who have parents like I had, who just don’t really care or take the responsibility for anyone or anything let alone their own children. There are so so so many!

Sad isn’t it…

What gives me hope are the people that care, people who go out of their way to do something as simple as checking on the kid or just giving them a hug. The simplest of things could get a child in dire circumstances through the day if not the week.

Sometimes the kids don’t even know what you do for them, sometimes they can not quantify the true value of having you in their lives for the fact that they have never experienced it without you. Sometimes words can’t explain that feeling of an inch less of hopelessness felt all because you phoned, you smiled, you hugged, you cared.

For each and everyone of you that try to help these kids I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Influencing kids… PG18

I am not a mother, never have been and honestly don’t know if I ever will be for the main fact that I fear for anything I give birth to - imagine me as a mom! (poor souls). That said, Amber’s post “Where is the line” and Joy’s post “Partying in front of your kids” got me to thinking - has my life influenced me? Did the deeds of my parents influence me?…

Please be warned that my life is kind of PG18 - for some reason I needed to warn you, perhaps so that you aren’t too shocked? You are warned…

If you have been following my blog you would possibly know by now that I grew up with the permanent smell of alcohol, what you may not know (due to slight omission) is the fact that my mother was also an alcoholic. So all my mothers men and all the kings horses including herself used to party it up quite a bit, it was when I learnt to sleep through anything and everything - shan’t go into too many details.

Growing up, adults who are drunk tend to want to offload their problems, they get soppy and in need of “therapy” - you know that need to talk about matters on their hearts. I was local therapist from the age of about 7, if not younger, that is just the first time I can remember actually giving advice to an adult.

I’ve heard it all, from problems with sex “She won’t do me no more”, “she’s frigid”, “Vibrators are better than men” (For that one I was 11 and I invented a vibrator attached to a electric blanket - she got the best of both worlds).

Then came the complaints about the spouses drinking… “He dwinks too much” (????), “He’s always too drunk to get it up” (use rhino horn it apparently works well or borrow one of mothers blue movies), “She snores when sheee dwinks” (why can drunk people never say the word drink, its always dwinks).

Then came the cheating “I think he’s cheating on me” (but you slept with so and so only last week, you can’t complain), “She’s shagging so and so isn’t she, I just know it” (No I have never seen her with him promise), “God I could shag him but I’m sooo shy” (This is how I think you should approach it, give him a few drinks, he’s easy then)

Suppose its not hard to imagine then that my sex education was a porn shop (among other things), I knew all the different shapes of condoms by the age of 13. Porn movies? Hell I knew what they were from a younger age than that. Sex was no mystery nor was it linked to the heart - I was taught that from a really young age. This was normal. Is that bad?

Keeping all of that in mind, it wasn’t unusual when my mother took me clubbing at the age of 12, they were all impressed that I managed to drink 8 ciders and still be able to dance. That was the night I was dared to smoke by my mother, I declined and had another cider instead.

I only started smoking when I was 14 and much to everyone’s chagrin it was not out of peer pressure, but rather “payback”, it was my only “anger” outlet. Sure I partied, I got trashed many a night, often with the older kids when I went to go stay with them during the time I was homeless. Hey I wasn’t innocent, I could drink anyone under the table, finishing a bottle of whisky on my own while out with friends was no mean feat. At the age of 21 I smoked 60 a day… pretty impressive surely? bowing? Wait…

My mother always believed that if you want to try something, try it and do it in front of her then at least she could “control” it, if something went wrong then she could “deal” with it. This included drugs, if we wanted to smoke dope, by all means do it in front of her, drugs were talked about openly and the fact that my brother was in hospital because of it, she knows.

I have spoken to a few people through out my short life, you know how topics come up “So how did your parents given you the low down on sex”, they always seemed to be fascinated with my answer and said that it was so cool, that they wish their parents had done the same. You know the conversation about parents allowing you to drink, some said my mother was mad while others applauded her, same goes for the drugs. What do you think?

Have you noticed how sheltered kids always seem to end up rebelling to the point of becoming exactly what the parents didn’t want?

No amount of sheltering can protect anyone from everything… Is it not better to be open with kids?

Are open relationships such as this bad for kids? Was it bad for me?

I am who I am today because of all the stuff life threw at me, am I so bad?

I ask all these questions because I don’t know…

I am not an alcoholic, I am not a drug addict, my only vice was ever cigarettes (did you note the “was”?). My younger brother had it just as bad as me but perhaps in certain cases more sheltered and then in others worse. He’s been in hospital for drugs OD’s, he’s had drunken rages, he suffers. I am not better than him, we just chose differently.

Is it perhaps not more a persons choice of how they want to be at the end of the day that really counts?

Perhaps that is just it at the end of the day, each moment of our lives we get to choose who we want to be, how we want to be and what we want to be…

I am no angel, but am I really that bad?

Ubuntu in a Can

No I am not talking about the operating system, I am talking about an African saying that has been blown out by the Western world.

What is the real Ubuntu?

Pronounced as uu-Boon-too or uu-Bun-too.

Ubuntu, also known as Unhu in other parts of Africa, is an ethical philosophy held by many Africans and now Westerners (First World) that focuses on how we treat one another and the purpose there of, why we do. It’s a word describing an African world view, which translates as “I am because you are,” and which means that individuals need other people to be fulfilled. It is a way of living, it is how you treat your fellow man, it is how you respect them and understand that their beliefs help form the bigger picture, their situations are for purpose.

So many people try to explain it, put it into words, but often come undone with the mere fact that it is more a way of being, it is a feeling, a way of living, the way you are and not easily explained in the context of words. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, in my books, gave the best description by far with his words

“It is the essence of being human. It speaks of the fact that my humanity is caught up and is inextricably bound up in yours. I am human because I belong. It speaks about wholeness, it speaks about compassion. A person with Ubuntu is welcoming, hospitable, warm and generous, willing to share. Such people are open and available to others, willing to be vulnerable, affirming of others, do not feel threatened that others are able and good, for they have a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that they belong in a greater whole. They know that they are diminished when others are humiliated, diminished when others are oppressed, diminished when others are treated as if they were less than who they are. The quality of Ubuntu gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and emerge still human despite all efforts to dehumanise them.”

Another way of putting it is in the Zulu sentence “Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu” meaning a person is a person through other people.

Nelson Mandela describes Ubuntu as

“A traveller through a country would stop at a village and he didn’t have to ask for food or for water. Once he stops, the people give him food, entertain him. That is one aspect of Ubuntu but it will have various aspects. Ubuntu does not mean that people should not address themselves. The question therefore is: Are you going to do so in order to enable the community around you be able to improve?“

The western explanation of Ubuntu I think is “one hand washes the other”.

In reality we can not survive without each other, we breathe, we live but all the while we only truly survive when we are helping each other. Ubuntu is the opposite of selfish, it is the opposite of envy and greed and the most beautiful thing about it? It isn’t linked to any religion, it is the heart beat of Africa.

All things in the world are as they are meant to be, it is all part of the bigger picture and no one man is better than the other, we are all equal.

Sadly not all Africans follow the ancient teachings of Ubuntu. As it is in any culture old traditions get forgotten and times change, it doesn’t mean it has to die.

We can not be one without the other, Ubuntu, it is the true spirit of Africa

Keep Ubuntu alive

I am African, I am Worldian, I follow Ubuntu how about you?

Post Note: Please take note that when I talk about Africans it may not be as the “world” sees it, I am not talking about race, the colour of the skin. No I am talking about anyone who is born on African soil, they are all Africans.

Definition of a democratic and fair election

Apparently the Zimbabwe elections had the biggest turn out ever, people flocked in droves to cast their fair vote, indeed it was both democratic and fair, it was just as South Africa’s president said it would be.

When you speak to someone that is there, watching, voting, looking and seeing everything for what it is it has a tendency to fill you with a slight dose of rage.

Yes apparently everyone turned up for the elections, the reason? Yes there were free buses, cars, people were really helped to get to the polling stations. They went freely because they were told that, if they didn’t have the mark, violet dye on their index finger, the army would attack and kill them along with their family. Yip fabulous turn out as you can imagine, everyone had seen by then that these threats were meant, everyone had heard the screems.

The democratic and fair part, Mr Mbeki, comes in when lines upon lines of people stand waiting to cast their free vote. They stand for hours surrounded by big army tanks, finally they get to cast their vote only to have big army thugs check your voting paper to see if you’ve voted for Mugabe. If you were clever and ticked the box next to Dictators name you get a free pass, you get your life. If you didn’t vote Mugabe? Oh, no worries we hit you over the head with our little big guns, beat you till you can’t walk let alone breathe any more. Sorry you have kids, yeah sure we’ll do the same to them.

Free, fair and democratic, this is the definition in Africa

Ok so the news on the street is that Mugabe has actually lost his mind (no shit shurlock) and that the army is actually in control, Mugabe is but a muppet puppet now. Everyone thinks, and I have to agree with them, the army is shitting themselves because if Mugabe loses they will all be up for war crimes by the Hague. Makes sense.

I am sick of hearing about how fair the elections are in Zimbabwe, I am sick of speaking to family and friends hearing their horrors, hearing of the beatings, the senseless attacks, the beatings, the lawlessness.

Everyone that I have spoken to asks this question…

Why have the big “world” powers not stepped in like Afghanistan, like Iraq, like anywhere else … is it because they don’t have oil? is it because they are poor?

Hey those are the questions I’m just repeating them

Am I angry?

Nah

All I can really say is…

Leaders of Africa and leaders of the world… grow some balls!

End of subject

Car Hijacker explains how it is done

Ok lets look at life in Africa and why in particular I want to leave. Some say that I am just running away while others say that I should be more patriotic.

I beg to differ, firstly in other countries you get Cinnamon toothpaste, you get Apple Butter, Coke with Vitamins and Starbucks. Then of course the fact that our newspapers have gotten to the point where by the headlines read “Wife survives armed robbery” instead of the normal “Robbery gone bad”. Here robberies are normally deathly so the mere fact that she survived is a pure miracle.

Perhaps its the lack of poisonous gas inhalation or perhaps it is the fact that the polls are closed and Mugabe’s forces are armed to the hilt. How sick must a person be to go ahead with an election when you have intimidated every soul that breathes in your country, when the opposition leader is hiding out in the Dutch embassy? How arrogant, senile and jut plain pathetic must you be? Personally I think he just suffers from S.D.S. and is in dire need of a transplant because one thing that is for sure, no inoculation for the politicus bullshiticus virus will work on that magnaerosolus (a really impressively large aerosol)

I’m not going to get into it any further other than that, I’ve deleted a book of rants about today’s headlines alone. No point in bitching about something you can’t change, just get 4 metre high electrified fencing.

Here is the juice on Hi-jackings, perhaps it will educate you on how to get a job as a carjacker or how to prevent one, guess the “what” is up to you…

Before you read on here is a “glossary”

“White area” is a multi racial community that is well off, it is called a white area due to the fact that it was once populated with only that colour walls.

“Sangoma” is a traditional healer that can put potions together, heal AIDS, cure all sorts of strange and wonderful diseases just by mixed a few bones, herbs and well you get the idea.

“Bakkies” Is what I think Americans call a 1 tonner truck? It is the open air transport system here in Africa.

It is R8.50 to every $1

If there is anything else, shout

“HIJACKING MADE EASY - Repentant Car Hijacker Explains How it is Done”
A repentant car hijacker (2 stole and hijacked cars for more than 14 years before deciding to go straight. Now he is a struggling fashion designer who presents motivational talks at schools in Orange Farm, south of Joburg, discouraging youngsters from doing crime. He spoke to Denis Droppa about the murky world of vehicle crime.

Q. 1: Are most cars hijacked on order by syndicates?
Answer: Yes, I would get a phone call to deliver a certain type of car by a certain deadline, and then we’d go out and search for one. If they needed it quickly, I would hijack. If I had a bit more time I’d steal a parked car, as it was safer.

Q. 2: Which types of vehicles are the most popular amongst hijackers?
Answer: We would get orders to steal just about anything. Double-cab bakkies, any make, were in very high demand. Also, “G-strings” (BMW 3-series), Polo’s, Mercedes and Toyotas. I’d get paid a lot more for a double-cab, around R16 000, but only about R500 to R6 000 for a car. If it was an expensive car like the “Anaconda” (BMW 7-series) I could get about 15 grand, though.

Q. 3: Which cars have the lowest hijack risk?
Answer: There’s no such thing. There’s a demand for all sorts of cars, old and new. If the vehicle isn’t sold then it’s stripped for spares. The only thing there isn’t really an interest in is expensive exotics. I once stole a Ferrari from a garage just for fun, drove it around for a while and then left it back at the garage.

Q. 4: Do most of the cars that aren’t stripped end up beyond our borders?
Answer: No, a lot stay in the country. They are given new identities, re-registered and sold here.

Q. 5: How effective are modern anti-theft and tracking systems?
Answer: When I was stealing cars three years ago, most of them were a joke. I could break into almost any car and drive it away within minutes. Some cars were very advanced and a lot of work to steal though, like Volvos. With tracking systems, it was usually very easy to find where the device was hidden. While one guy drove the car, his accomplices would strip the interior looking for the tracker’s hiding place. Then sometimes we’d place the tracking unit into a taxi and trick the police and the helicopters into following the taxi. Nowadays the tracking systems are getting a lot better though, with quicker response times, and towards the end I nearly got caught a couple of times.

Q. 6: How did you learn how to override these high-tech systems?
Answer: Experience, and learning from other car thieves. We all shared information. If I was having difficulty with a particular car, sometimes I’d dress up nicely and go to a dealer posing as a customer. I’d ask the salesman how good the anti-theft system was on that car and he would give me all the details.

Q. 7: What was your hijacking modus operandi?
Answer: We would get people in their driveways, on the way to work or on their way home. Rainy weather is the best time to steal cars. When it’s raining it makes it more difficult for the tracking helicopters to find you.

Q. 8: In a hijacking did you normally go for soft targets like women?
Answer: No, I could take on anyone. I was a professional. Some people wore guns but never got a chance to use them as I was too fast. I’d stick my gun right in their faces and they wouldn’t give me any trouble. That’s why I never shot or hurt anyone; I was against that. A friend of mine sometimes shot people he hijacked and he used to wake up with nightmares.

Q. 9: Which areas did you target?
Answer: Any white suburb, it didn’t matter. I never stole in the townships because people were poor there. I also didn’t rob black people.

Q 10: Is that because you don’t like whites?
Answer: No, it’s because darkies are dangerous. If you rob them, they go to a Sangoma who would “take care” of you.

Q. 11: How much money did you make?
Answer: A lot, but I wasted it all. It was easy come, easy go. Some money would go to police and judges and prison officials in bribes. I got caught a few times but was never convicted. Bribing a police officer to lose a docket cost about R2 000 to R5 000. The only time I spent in jail was awaiting trial. Then I’d bribe the prison guard to help me escape.

Q. 12: Is this the norm, or were you lucky?
Answer: I knew how to find the loopholes and beat the system. Some of my friends were caught and convicted to 8 or 12 years or more.

Q. 13: What made you stop crime?
Answer: I saw I had nothing to show for all those years. I felt guilty for what I’d done and wanted to achieve something in my life. That’s why I do community work persuading other people not to do crime, and I’m also a fashion designer. I’m struggling with money now. My sewing machine broke and I can’t afford to fix it, but I won’t go back to crime. That life is a stupid life.

Q. 14: What is your advice to motorists to avoid hijacking?
Answer: Look out for people following you. Some hijackers spot a car they want and follow the person home. Be aware. If you’re suspicious, make a few false turns and see if that car is still behind you. If it is, drive to a police station.

2 + 2 = 5 in Africa

Ok folks it seems that everyone in the country is confused.

I spoke to a 5 year old the other day (yes not all of them are scared of me) and when I asked this little sample human who the president was… the kids answer was “Nelson Mandela” … yes dahlink we all wish this was the case but alas no.

The new word these days is “kill” normally used in the context of “We will kill for Zuma” (Zuma is next in line presidentosser). When put on the spot about this new chant and slogan of the youth league, Julius Melagomaniac Malema states that there is nothing wrong with getting the youth to chant about killing, besides apparently according to him, it is all Mandela’s fault for breaking free from Apartheid… Huh? For the record the word “kill” now means “support till death” … much like Nazi days, yes?

It seems our Government don’t even know who’s who in the zoo or rather jungle. I am however extremely surprised that the current leading party hasn’t blamed the mistake on the opposing team stating “It is the DA’s fault, they tried to manipulate the system to gain favours”. Sorry just that would be a pot calling the kettle black.

Mr Presidentosser your nation solutes you and the rest of Africa want’s your ass fired… “Zimbabwe’s leaders were approaching their country’s complex problems in a serious manner “in order to arrive at a stable solution. I’m glad to say that the leaders of Zimbabwe… are approaching this matter in that way,” he said… sorry erm come again? *shrug* Yers I will kiss your shoes sir but please please don’t infect me with politicus-bullshiticus cause I’ve had all my inoculations I swear!

Charles Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions…

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor/actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia “

Man kidnaps ex to do the dishes

16/06/2008 12:35 - (SA News - World headlines)

Rome - An Italian man was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping his ex-girlfriend from a pub, taking her home and forcing her to iron his clothes and wash the dishes, police said on Monday.

The 43-year-old man dragged the woman out of a pub in the port city of Genoa, shoved her into a car and took her to his home where he made her iron and wash dishes after threatening her, they said.

Police arrived at his house after being tipped off by a friend of the woman who watched the scene at the pub.

The man, who was apparently furious at his ex-girlfriend for leaving him, was arrested on charges of kidnapping, police said.

I checked, no it isn’t April Fools…

Faith Hope Love

Possibly a band that is totally underrated and unknown, I first heard Starsailor at V Festival back in 2001 and they blew me away. Their lyrics are close to my heart and wise to the way they fit in with my views and life.

Faith, Hope, Love… let it be enough for it is all we really need

Tired of living in the modern world
Another casual flag left unfurled by love
Tired of living inside my mind
Another casualty out of time for us

Faith hope love,
Be enough

Tired of living in this modern land
Too many ideals to meet with its demands
Tired of looking for sympathy
Got to learn to stand on my own two feet

Faith hope love
(Too much too soon, to see it through, look back at your life with some kind of pride)
Be enough

If I ever let you down
Would you ever feel the ground?

Faith hope love
(Too much too soon, to see it through, look back at your life with some kind of pride)
Be enough