Angels in Shadows

Perhaps this means something to you perhaps it doesn’t either way I’m going on gut…

Messages in Pictures

Graphic play in abstract with more words than the spoken tongue carrying a simple message…

Better Human

My title versus the real one of Robbie Williams’ Better man… for those who watch the full video it is a bit longer than just one song but I shall leave the song closest to my heart right now there…

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I’m getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow old through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
‘Cause it’s not my fault
I know I’ve been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I’m in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow old through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you’ve found that lover
You’re homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I’m getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow old through this pain
Lord I’m doin’ all I can
To be a better man

Passing on the knowledge…

Let me start by just stating that my mother and I have not always gotten along.  In the younger years we were inseparable in the sense that I was her best friend at the age when most other kids were out playing.  It is not unheard of when families go through difficult situations such that we went through.  She and I shared a bond that of experience and I supported her through all the subsequent trials as she supported me.  When she got married to her third husband she asked me if it was ok and I said yes as long as it made her happy and it was for happiness.  She got married to the Saudi pilot and all was well for the first year except he was another alcoholic.  He had been repeatedly asking her to move to Saudi and she had refused because my brother and I were still at school, he threw himself down a flight of stairs and she left the same day.  I was actually with the fact that she had to go, the trouble came in when they got rid of the house that I used and was then homeless.

I would send my mother letter’s begging her to sort something out for my brother and myself, her response was to get over it and make the best of the situation (polite words used here).  I never went through the emotions that I should’ve during this time, as I have mentioned before, I was in survival mode, those emotions came out during the before mentioned therapy.  The rage I felt was intense to the point that I could not speak to her never mind see her.  I stopped all communication for about 3 months and then wrote her a letter stating how our relationship would work from now on, if she didn’t agree to it then I would not speak or see her until she did.  There is a lot more to it but I’m not going to get into it right now.

Since that letter things have progressively gotten better, she learnt the rules and realised the truth behind my words and the reasons why I did what I did.  She slowly realised that her actions in the past had hurt her children and had endangered them instead of the previous thoughts of “it’s their fault” or “stop looking for attention” (her response to my panic attacks).  Then came the day when I was helping her make up her bed, she just suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned to me saying that she was really sorry for what she had done, that she had treated myself and my brother as she had done, she asked me to forgive her.  I had forgiven her a long time before that but to hear her say it cracked a seal within me.

After that we have slowly started getting closer except it is in the strangest of ways.  For the first time in my life she has accepted who I am now, how I am and what I am.  She never accepted me for who I was, always broke me down and continually pointed out my failures and none of my accomplishments.  Now she sees the failures and knows that they were lessons and takes my accomplishments for what they are.

It gets stranger still, since I have returned from the UK and while I await for the ever present and hopeful Shengen work visa she is asking me questions.  Not the normal questions but rather I’d be sitting outside reading when she will come outside and ask me a question about angels and without thinking I’d answer her.  She asks me about the after life as if I know everything where as before we have only ever touched on the surface, she asks me advice on her business or how to deal with a certain situation.  She keeps on telling me how wise I am but I am only an ordinary 29 year old who is actually still more of a kid than anything else.

It is these questions that she has suddenly come forward with that wrap my mind around a pole, I understand where they are coming from and why, what is strange is that she is asking me of all people.  Peoples idea of me has always been far different to my own, I often think that they think I am better than I am - for me this is dangerous in the sense that then I am bound to let them down, that I am going to fail them.

I am just an ordinary person embarking on a life’s journey as everyone else is, learning the lessons I need to learn to carry on to my next life, I have a light side and a dark, I get angry and get sad as we all do, I fear the future just believe in destiny strongly, I am me, I am you…

… just another ramble by a wondering soul in a transitional phase …

A thought from my soul…

This world is far deeper than the earthly human, it travels through centuries hand in hand with our souls, it is up to us to be open to it, to hold it in our hands and heart, growing with it as it evolves through the ages for when we are open is when the wonders are shown to us…

Angels…

This song is very close to my heart, from the moment I heard it, it once again fitted with my life during that time and it got me through some very dark days, helped me to cry when I just couldn’t shed one tear.  Ah the memories of this song, driving down a long stretch with my friends 8 year old who I just love to bits and more singing our hearts out and driving his mum mental lol … enjoy its a good one!

Angels

I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When we’re grey and old
‘cos I’ve been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I’m lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is dead
I’m loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong
And down the waterfall

Wherever it may take me
I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call she won’t forsake me
I’m loving angels instead

When I’m feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I’ll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call she won’t forsake me
I’m loving angels instead

Angels Among Us

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day.
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way.
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone.
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home.
Mama couldn’t see him, but he was standing there.
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees.
There’s always been someone there to come along and comfort me.
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand.
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand.

And ain’t it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

They wear so many faces; show up in the strangest places.
To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

To guide us with the light of love.

Where would we be without our angels…?

Do you believe in angels and spirit guides? Perhaps you may think this is a strange question even wonder whether I have lost my mind… each to their own. From the earliest time I can remember they have been with me, have felt them and seen them, they have helped through difficult times and gotten me through, they have guided me always. Perhaps you have had similar feelings and/or experiences?

The lore of angels and spirits have come through centuries, it is not a new concept, but has been highlighted in the new age phenomenon. Some are born with the knowledge that they are there and are comfortable talking to them and asking advice… others go through something later on that brings out the belief within them and then there are those that only believe on their death bed. All has their place and purpose, we realise their reality and worth when the time is right for us, when they know we can handle it… some never come to the belief.

Through out time there have been stories of guardian angels visiting people in times of dire need, helping them and often saving their lives. I remember a story of a boy who was crossing a quiet road when out of no where a car comes roaring around the corner aiming straight for him. The mother on the other side of the road sees what is happening but is too far to get to him in time to warn him or push him out of the way… Just as the car was approaching the her son and as she was running towards him waving her hands and shouting at him to get out the way she saw a woman on the other side running towards her son, picking him and putting him down on the pavement just as the car roared passed. Almost immediately afterwards as the mother ran to her son’s side, gripping him in a bear hug the woman who had saved her son just smiled and walked away in to the distance before she had a chance to thank the beautiful stranger.

For months on end she searched for this woman on the streets, searched for her face in crowds, always looked in the newspaper for her face and even went as far as to write a thank you letter in the local newspaper but to no avail. She never found out who she was, never found out where she’d come from or what she was doing there. No one on the street had seen the woman before, the mother knocked on all the doors thinking that the woman had come from the house opposite where her son had been crossing but no one knew of her or had seen her. The woman that had saved her son had seemingly just disappeared of the face of the planet, someone who had just appeared.

Since the day when that woman had saved her sons life the mother believed that it was his guardian angel that manifested in order to save her son’s life, she believed that it was because it wasn’t her son’s time to die. Since that day her son has often mentioned the woman that saved him and how he still sees her in his dreams, talking to him and is his friend. Was it an angel or just coincidence?

I have never believed in coincidence, don’t know about you, but deep seated within me is the belief that everything happens for a reason. At this point you are probably thinking ok … just what planet is this woman on??? But it is true in my life, perhaps you have not been given the proof that it is so and doubt what I say, this is your choice, as I have said this belief is deep within me, always has been.

My stories are too long, perhaps one day I will tell you all, perhaps not… Coincidence in my life has been an interesting animal… I feel that we are guided down the path’s we walk through life in order to experience, to remember, to help others… I also feel that angels are with us to help us along this journey that we call life…

A long time ago, when my mother first left the country to live with her husband they left our house for me to live in for the first six months until they rented it out to make money. One weekend a month we were allowed out of the hostel, known primarily as an off-weekend, I caught the train home, a total journey of 3 hours. I got home and got some food out of the cupboards, locked all the doors and sat watching TV going to bed with a hockey stick to protect myself just in case the angels were busy with others more in need. The next day the neighbour’s 16 year old son stopped by seeing that I’m alone offered to keep me company, we rented DVD’s, made pop corn and just chilled.

No nothing gave me any clues that later on he would try and rape me, I had no idea or clue that that was what he was after… perhaps I was naive in a way, I still am in a way always wanting to believe people are ultimately good. To cut a long story short, he tried and got quite far but then another neighbour, an elderly woman who lived next door to me came round and banged on the door and wouldn’t stop knocking… this unnerved him and I managed to pull myself together, my clothes together and answered the door… my neighbour took one look at me told him to get out and told me that for the rest of the weekend I was to stay with her… in a way she was and is my guardian angel.

Everything has a purpose because I now understood what it felt like to be raped, although he never managed to get just that far but the feelings ran through me, the revulsion was intense… a couple of years later, well not that long after a girl came to the school that I was at, stayed in the hostel that I stayed in. She was very quiet and seemed almost subdued, we became fast friends and she slowly became her more animated self as the months progressed. Right off it was obvious that she had gone through something really hectic, she often just started to shake uncontrollably, she would not get close to anyone, she trusted no one and eventually she was ready to tell me her story… one day during one of our many coffee sessions in my room she told me that the weekend before she came to the hostel she was raped by her cousin and that her family couldn’t deal with it so they sent her to the hostel instead. As she spoke I was able to relate to what she said, how she felt and understood completely how it was for her, although still shocked by her story I was able to just sit there and listen, not ask questions… know it sounds strange but because I had gone through something similar I was able to be a shoulder for her and my ears were un-judgemental and unquestioning.

After school we met up a few years later and she told me that she was planning on killing herself, she felt worthless and degraded and had it not been for my understanding ears she would’ve succeeded, she told me that she will forever be grateful for what I did for her and that she was so glad that she hadn’t gone and killed herself. She is now happy as Larry with a fiancé and a big smile on her face. No I am not praising myself for how I handled it but merely making the point that because I had gone through something similar I was able to help her in a way. Everything has a purpose and a reason with angels guiding us, be it other’s angels or our own…

Sometimes bad things happen to us and we curse our Gods and our angels swearing that they don’t exist, we inhibit such rage for them that we can barely breathe at times… but perhaps it is all for a greater purpose…?

Our angels are around us all the time, they listen to us as we talk, they often try and show us signs to let us know that they are listening, often we are too closed off in our mind to notice or pick them up… it’s the paper that falls off the table when there is not a breath of air, it’s the brand new light bulb that flickers and dies, it’s the summer flowers that flower in middle of winter… it could be anything we just have to be open to seeing them… Talk to them, you never know what might happen when you do, they always listen, and they are always there…

and so I come to my original question… Where would we be without our angels?