Comments I will not approve

I received a comment on one of my posts related to South Africa. I write this because I will not approve it but would like to state why I have made such a decision.

The comment was factual to a point the point that the numbers of murders it listed, the number of deaths caused by our current unrest and the past permanent unrest, the rapes as well as the current stand point of our government were correct. The comment however was also one sided.

I will not approve any comments that incite racism of any kind nor hate. The fact that I do this does not mean that I don’t see reality for what it is nor does it mean that I will remain silent. It does however mean that I am not one sided.

Does this make me wrong?

Does this imply that I don’t see reality for what it is?

In my opinion the answer is a resounding no.

To the person who wrote the comment, your views are noted, as they are on other websites, both public forums and the like. I don’t dispute the facts just your medium of sharing them. If this offends you then I am sorry, it is the way it is.

Veels geluk met wat jy doen, ek hou net nie van nie.

I am South African, I am colourless, my blog will remain so.

When life throws you curve balls, enjoy the game…

When I look back on my life I am the first to admit that there are many things that I could have done differently and yet at the same time I can honestly say that I have really lived.

When I finished school there was an urgency for me to start working, to get my independence. This translated into me doing short courses and not doing a full degree or diploma. I used the money left to me by my father to put myself through the courses. To me, at that time in my life and to my mother, it was imperative that I got out of the house if not the country, and the only way we knew how was for me to get a paying job and fast.

So I studied those short courses managed to get into specialist company dealing with high tech CCTV systems. That was when I started to learn that diverse skills get you further in the South African job market. After a couple of years I was eventually ready to flee the country and my roots, my father’s wishes were going to be met, I left South Africa. My diverse set of skills learnt during that job got me into Marketing and Public Relations, it took me places but also added to my diverse skills set.

Returning to South Africa I then found that I was the wrong colour, by being a white South African finding a job is not easy. Even if you are perfectly skilled for the job, if you are the wrong colour, you won’t get it. So I taught people how to use computers, I taught those who wanted to learn the basics and then the advanced stuff, I helped with last wishes. Last wishes of those who were dying, I taught them things they wanted to learn before they died - odd? That is not on my CV, not many people know that, but it brought me joy to give them some joy. A sad topic so moving along.

I got a job at an Automotive Engineering company, temp job to start off with. Within the first month they decided that my diverse skills set was perfect for them, I landed in a recruitment position that I literally had no training for. I learnt all I could, self studied and grew. Problem is I never got a formal education in this field either, I specialised in the recruitment and management of technical staff but have no qualification to hang on the wall.

This has been my problem, it doesn’t matter that I have managed over 20 employees or that I have managed projects worth R10 million. It matters nothing at the end of the day because I don’t have that piece of paper to my name.

The South African work force is forced to be ambidextrous with their skills, they have to know how to juggle many different job roles or they lose out, especially if they are the wrong colour. In all the jobs I have held in South Africa I think the last one was more so, I had more than 5 job titles and then some.

The ironic thing though is in all my job searches overseas, the first time I was head hunted by a specialist firm. My accounts were lined up for me for when I stepped into the job and they included McLaren F1, Aston Martin and Ford. Truth is no matter how specialised I am or how big my range of skills are, because I don’t have that paper, no country home office department will want me.

So when faced with a problem we must always re-evaluate and if one way does not work we must step out and look from outside in. See the other roads to our dreams and goals if the one we were using doesn’t work. This is what I am now doing, some say I am mad that I should give up, some say that it is pointless, to me it is not. I will not let my dreams die just because some people think they are impossible, I will just try different tactics.

So the lesson in all of this for others is the simple fact that don’t waste the opportunity to get that piece of paper behind your name. Don’t be so eager to start your life before you have built the building blocks, the foundations for they are more important than you could ever imagine.

Would I live my life over as I have done? Sure there are something I would have done differently, but that is just it, I have learnt important lessons that I now hold close to my heart. They are lessons not failures. I have experienced life fully, have seen and experienced things that not many get the chance to, I have lived.

Would I spend my life savings to do the last 8 months again, yes yes and another yes! In the last 8 months I have lived more than ever before, I have learnt more and loved more, I have been me more and have grow because of it, not only as a person but also in spirit.

I will never stop living or learning, I will never stop dreaming, never!

… so don’t think me odd if I still smile and laugh with all my heart, don’t be surprised if I continue to try my luck at starting a new life overseas, don’t be surprised if I don’t see my life as a failure… for me it is all possibilities, every where I look they are there…

… who knows where this life will lead me, all I know is that I am doing it with a full heart, living with heart is far greater than living without one, I am rich in life and I am living it…

Even when the days seem dark never stop living, experiencing, loving, smiling, laughing or enjoying the smell of freshly cut grass, live…

When life throws us curve balls we get a choice, we can either enjoy the game or we can run and hide, it’s our choice how we play the game of life, our choice…

SanityFound Personal Ad

Ok so things have now come down to the point where by I am going to place a personal ad on a mail order husband site. They’ve asked me to write a bit about myself, so this is what I’ve got so far… see what you think …

SanityFound Personal Profile

Looking For: Male to form marriage of convenience. Must be willing to share first world passport.

Things to know about SanityFound:

Morning Profile: At the best of times she is not known to be the sweetest in the morning and is often is found sporting the “Just woke up” look (please see photo of her on right)

Warning: Should you approach her in the mornings before her first cup of coffee, the chances are quite high that you would get to witness the photo on the left. She can’t be held to blame for this as warning signs are generally printed out and posted on all available walls at eye level. Should you encounter such an act it is best to copy her actions, by doing this, you will reduce her to laughter faster than you can blink your eyelids.

Likes: She is fascinated with everything she sees generally with childish delight. She often sports the look of absolute wonderment and surprise accompanied with glee of great proportions (as seen on right). This look normally takes place after her first coffee, never before.

This woman is anything but normal, she knows the difference between a 2-stroke and a 4-stroke, is a gadget freak and loves technology of any kind. There will never be a boring conversation between the two of you for her love of technology is beyond that of a normal obsession. You might find, however, that reminding her to switch off her mobile late at night is recommended due to the midnight support calls she often receives.

If music is your thing then you will be well matched with this one. She is often spotted with air guitar in hand playing the riffs of Robert Plant or the Stones. Her broad taste in music though can be shocking at times to the point of scary. Don’t be surprised with the fact that she knows all the words to an Eminem song. The photo on the left is from the time she was at the Muse after party. She was seen stealing Matthew Ballamy’s (lead singer) guitar to enact her very practiced air guitar sequence. The standing ovation came from 3 security guards.

Above all else she adores hugs, she is not rude to any particular species, she hugs them all. On the right she can be seen with her friend Bongo-Buck. This photo was taken when they went out to the park for a few bana-cola-daz. Please note that SanityFound does not drink and drive, not only for the fact that she drove over her drivers license tester but also for the fact that generally she passes out in the park.

Sports: Her many attributes though are not limited to technology, bana-cola-daz and morning wisdom. She is well known for trying out new sports, one being skateboarding. The photo on the left is blurred for the fact that she beat her all time record in both speed and the length of time she managed to stay on, a total of 2 minutes at 20km/hr.

Not only has she mastered the art of dismounting a skateboard at high speeds she has also managed to hit herself in the head instead of the ball while out playing golf. She blames this on the shorts she was wearing, they did not have them in pink and felt rather manly wielding the big stick that was almost the size of her.

Looks & Poses: SanityFound can straighten up for any occasion, she has been seen at many different functions and is well versed in which fork to use first. Her skills with make up are well known to be that of interesting and her range of colours (as seen on the left) are most fetching with her unique sense of colour.

Her most common pose is that of the photo on the right. She can often be seen covering her eyes either in disbelief at a joke being enacted or for the fact that she has done something silly again. She is well known not be in fully functioning working order early in the morning. This look is often accompanied with the realisation of what has just taken place, followed by hysterical laughter.

Last photo taken of her: Studio shoot - May 2008 (left).

Bonus: She has studied karate and has been known to kick a number of people on their *****. Not only does this make her a great companion but also a good bodyguard to have on your arm.

In all honesty she is not that good at karate, it is more the look on her face that makes the baddies run away (please see photo on left, the baddie was so scared he acted like spiderman!)

Notes: Please note that she is still learning to blow dry her hair and slight accidents do happen especially if she tries first thing in the morning. Should you see her look like the photo on the right, please excuse it as another failed attempt!

Should you be interest in this very lucrative offer please contact sanityfound@searching4maleorder.com as soon as possible.

… You know you can’t resist this …

* This is a spam test to see how many people really look for male order husbands (pun intended)

The Good, The Bad and then the ugly

The one word I can use to describe my life is “Interesting”, at times it has been easy and then others it knocks me to the floor. It’s gotten to the point that nothing really phases me anymore, I have to go with the flow or I’ll fall off that tightrope someone mentioned the other day. I’m slightly wobbly at the moment, but tomorrow will be better, the next day always is.

So the new interesting development in my life, which in my heart I have known for a while, is that the company I got the job with didn’t succeed in getting their application approved in order to apply for mine. The European state is a bit odd like that, a company first has to get permission and then only can they apply for an applicants work visa. It feels as though the universe is telling me that Europe is just not on the cards for me, I accept this now. I have exhausted all possibilities for that continent and I am satisfied.

Sound odd? For me, I always try everything I can, I don’t give up easily, I exhaust all possibilities before I throw in the towel. Funny thing is, just between you and me, that towel isn’t being thrown anywhere. Perhaps I am just an eternal optimist bound to fall where ever I go, but I don’t see it like that. In my heart I know that, always have known, that I am destined to live else where, some place that isn’t South Africa.

Life is too short to stress about the little things, for me it is too short to let the big things knock me down as well.

So what are my plans? Well for now I am processing, while I do that I am applying for jobs world wide, looking at mail order husbands and thinking that that baboon might fancy me if I wore a skirt

No, seriously, what ever will be will be, think me crazy I don’t mind that is just the way it is going to be.

I’m smiling, life teaches us the strangest things at the strangest of times, it is up to us how we handle them, whether we learn or not. There is something on the cards for me that life doesn’t want me to miss out on, Europe was just the wrong place for me.

Am I sad? Yeah a little but I still have all my toes, I have my hands, I have my insanity and most of all, I still have my laugh… seriously!

No sympathy folks, I am seriously ok with this… just thought I’d give you an update seen as so many of you have been asking If you want though I could do with some jokes… we love jokes

Am speechless…

I am speechless and I have to laugh at the leading parties president is annoyed and upset with the fact that the attackers in our current “war” on immigrants are singing his song “Bring out the Machine Guns”… ironic anyone?

Attackers using my song - Zuma

Bishop: ‘This is war’

Xenophobic Violence

I am speechless but I have to laugh at Zuma… perhaps his song should have been about peace, perhaps he should not ban whites from press conferences, perhaps he should not be involved in a court case to determine is fraudulent ways, perhaps he should never have been in court on rape charges, perhaps perhaps perhaps…

The extent of what is happening reminds me of the 2005 civil unrest in France, perhaps it is time to declare a state of emergency before it is too late…

Speechless

Spiders & Scorpions

As some of you may know I avoid watching the news, I don’t even read newspapers, read it online. This might sound strange to you perhaps a bit infantile but hear me out.

In South Africa propaganda has always been rife, yes I know it is the same world wide, but from my experience we excel beyond reasonable doubt at it.

Our schools teach warped history, our educational system is up the creek where by they have changed the syllabus to allow for a higher pass rate all of this is coated with “congrats everyone our school pass rates are on the up, we now have 60% of school leavers passing their final exams”. Congrats indeed but what does that really mean?

I am not negative by nature, right now I know I may come across as such, this is fine, there is positivity in negativity how ever you may see it. Don’t get me wrong, I love South Africa, it’s beauty and its people, but the reality is far different to what you read in the papers both nationally and internationally.

The reality is that everyone is crying out that our president, one Mr Mbeki, is fired for his “There is no problem in Zimbabwe, we do not have a crime problem, HIV/AIDS is not an epidemic, unemployment is not a problem” stance. (Sorry sir but I think you need a new spin doctor…)

Mandela was quoted this week saying “Take note of the lessons from the past my nation and learn from them, do not do what we fought so hard to overcome” (A wise man who is still a “terrorist” in the eyes of some countries???)

Jacob Zuma, the president of the leading political party ANC (African National Congress) was shocked to find so many homeless whites and mixed race humans on the streets and in unemployment offices, he thought that they were invincible and that the Affirmative Action didn’t have a bad side affect. He is also on trial yet again for fraud and corruption now that the rape charges miraculously disappeared. (Sir I think you need to read different reports, perhaps the unemployment one and not how to get out of jail free)

South Africa’s Scorpions, similar to the FBI in America, has been officially disbanded, why? Because apparently they have been unpatriotic in their actions by targeting politicians in government. The Scorpions go after white collar crime and gangsters such as our very own Mafia, they do not do it by race, political standing or just certain people, they investigate everyone no matter who you are. So now they have been disbanded, why would the government do this unless they are worried about being caught out?

The politicians that have been caught out were thrown into jail, they receive five course meals, satellite TV, mobile phones and wait for it… they are released within 3 months after reportedly stealing millions to take up their positions once again in government.

Why do I want to leave South Africa so desperately? Because I can’t take this negativity any more, always making sure the doors are locked and the security gates are closed, driving our cars with the windows up, putting on alarms, carrying Mace (Pepper spray/Tear gas) where ever we go. Because I feel that in another land I will be able to glean more positive energy that I could use for the greater good…

There are no “safe” places here, they are all high crime areas, my area was once classed as safe now it is like everywhere else. The complex next to me had a gun break in better known as robbery with big weapons. In South Africa, everyone knows the sound of a gun shot; People fear other people; We are taught that if someone is bleeding or hurt we do not touch them or go near them, why? Because most of our nation is suffering from AIDS and HIV. We are becoming a nation of non carers, a nation that looks out for number one and number one only and THAT makes me sad beyond words.

Do you know that as a South African in order to get visa’s for certain countries we need to have our lungs scanned for TB and AIDS test results with us when we apply? I am grateful that I have neither.

The reality is that this is not only South Africa, it is world wide, I just don’t know what I can do, if I can do anything at all, to change what is happening here. I will continue doing what I am in hope that some light shines through the dark cobwebs that society finds itself in, we as a nation need to stand up, we as a world need to stand up for what we know in our hearts to be right. I say these negative things not to be negative but rather to incite action in peoples hearts. There will always be problems in our world we can not run from that reality but if we stand up, stand together, perhaps it could change, perhaps these problems will become less.

I don’t watch the news, I read and take an over all look at what is going on and I see the true reality through my eyes and my interpretations, I give myself a chance to process what the information means to me and what is fact.

Why do I want to leave?

Fact is that South Africa has really big spiders, as big as your hand with teeth as large as the ones in your mouth, and I want out…. no that is NOT my hand on the right, I run when I see them… problem is they are often faster than I am!

Why I am sad for Africa

I do not trust media reports at the best of time, the amount of true reality in them is always warped I feel to agenda’s.  Zimbabwe is in chaos, retaliation killings are going wild, no one who voted for the opposing party MDC is on the hit list.  So the ship containing weapons destined for Zim is now docked in Angola, why is this ship still allowed to sail?

My views on this are obviously childish in my hope that this world would do something about situations like this.  The international “laws” obviously govern situations like this, they obviously do not take these matters seriously or question the company who owns these ships, brings to mind the movie Lord of War (ironically partly filmed in SA).  Guess there is consolation in the fact that if it had tried to re-enter our waters it would be arrested kudo’s to a country that see’s no crisis in Zim…

Good news is that I will not be going to Zim anymore for my cousins wedding, sad at the same time that they can not get married in their home country in fear for theirs and their visitor’s lives.  Her family is still out there on their farm, I pray that they manage to leave soon.  Those fleeing Zim do so without any property, they are barred from leaving with anything other than their car and clothes, what is a Zim dollar worth anyways?

This has been Africa for years, one of the most beautiful continents in the world with beautiful spirits being destroyed by egotistical egomaniacs that rule with guns and death, I pray that my destiny is not here.

Zim run-off may take a year

… Just another ramble by a wondering soul …

Humba gashle (go peacefully) my friends

Johnny Clegg is probably one of the most well known South African singers, he stood side by side in the fight against Apartheid and got the brunt of it many times. He used his music to get the message of hope across to the people that were suffering and spread the word to the nations of the world. This song and its lyrics have inspired millions of people to stand together, to break the silence and dream of equality, that is my dream, our dream.

All those years ago I remember the fear that people had on both sides of the camp, the burning tires (known as necklaces placed over the opposing sides neck filled with petrol), the people burning in the street, the bombs, the senseless shooting by the police killing innocent woman and children, children who never threw bombs only rocks, the white only and black only toilets. I remember asking my nanny, who I saw as my surrogate mother, why people looked at us funny holding hands, why she couldn’t come in with me when we stopped off at the public toilets, why she couldn’t live where we did, live next door. All she told me was “Child, not everyone thinks like you or I, not everyone sees people for who they are, remember that and never forget it my child Onkoskaku (Thank you)”. I will never forget those words or what misplaced hate and the manipulation of a society can do.

Why turn one race against another? Why turn one religion against another? Why turn one sexual preference against another?

I see the bigger picture, have done for a long time, the things mentioned in Amberfireinus’ post The truth of Terror I have tried to come to terms with for a long time now, I have read up on it, thought long and hard on it, I do understand, but it doesn’t mean I will ever accept it.

This song is so much apart of me and brings back my Nanna’s words as if I was walking side by side her again… not everyone thinks like you or I, not everyone sees people for who they are, remember that my child…

Nonkululeko Vryheid Freedom for the world

Humba gashle … Go peacefully

Asimbonanga (mandela) lyrics

Chorus:

Asimbonanga  (We have not seen him)
Asimbonang' uMandela thina (We have not seen Mandela)
Laph'ekhona  (In the place where he is)
Laph'ehlikhona  (In the place where he is kept)
Oh the sea is cold and the sky is grey
Look across the Island into the Bay
We are all islands till comes the day
We cross the burning water
Chorus....

A seagull wings across the sea
Broken silence is what I dream
Who has the words to close the distance
Between you and me
Chorus....

Steve Biko, Victoria Mxenge
Neil Aggett
Asimbonanga
Asimbonanga 'umfowethu thina (we have not seen our brother)
Laph'ekhona  (In the place where he is)
Laph'wafela khona  (In the place where he died)
Hey wena  (Hey you!)
Hey wena nawe (Hey you and you as well)
Sizofika nini la' siyakhona    (When will we arrive at our destination)

Stuck between the worlds of past and future…

Sitting in Doha (Qatar) I found myself stuck between the worlds of past and future, neither here or there, hanging in the balance of transition. Awaiting my flight to the future, the symbol of the moment not lost on me, the idea that I was almost in the future tantilising.

Saddness filled my soul, my spirit depressed and yet at the same time excited and relieved that the transition period in my life was going to be over soon. During the transition phases in ones life we get to decide who and what memories we want to take with into the future. It is a long and tedious process and for me a simple one. My past is the past but only a few people made it into the future, there they will stay with me through all my different life chapters.

I sit now on the cusp of the next chapter, ready for it to start, all dependent on the Home Affairs office and what they have decided my future should hold. It has been a long journey to this point, at times life was in the balance, moments where the complications and the difficulty of the situation got too much and the spirit just wanted to hand in the towel, cut the remaining thread to life as we know it.

Only time will tell where our destiny lies, only fate can really decide if the karma we carry is in correct balance, we have to believe it knows best and trust it. All I can say is that it may sound easy but it is the exact opposite, its the hardest thing I have ever done, ever had to do!

Transition phase, back to the future…

Change is a very strange animal, it has many variants, some easy and some plain torture. The transition phase is one of the hardest phases, the time in between worlds where nothing is certain and yet at the same time change is moving forward. The only way to get through this phase is to put one foot in front of the other, step by step you carry yourself forward, reaffirming your decision on a daily basis, dreaming about the future that you have chosen.

If you can draw a picture, divide the page into three - write past on the left, transition in the middle and future on the right. Once you have done that you can then divide each section in to three again - beginning, “in the mix” and final stages. These individual stages of each of the sections have different intensities, the “in the mix” is normally the easiest to deal with.

Right now is the beginning stage of the transition phase as I call it. New surroundings, the past is the past and yet the future is yet to be the future. I am more lucky than most though I must admit for I know that my transition phase will only last 2 and a bit weeks, it will end when I am on the plane heading to England, the place I have always felt to be my home.

I shan’t be sad when I leave South Africa, I will not cry for the country I leave behind, rather for the few special people that are close to my heart. The honesty of the feelings I feel is so intense and yet so pure, the relief of the past few days being over overwhelms me at times and yet I sit here now and just grin… it’s one step closer to my future, one step more in the right direction… step by step, minute by minute the future gets closer and closer…

Once again I am grateful for the patience of my friends, the ones close to my heart!