Phew is it another one?

As the weeks pass they just seem to be getting better and better to the point that this morning, while trying to fall out of bed, I found myself unable to walk. Why? Because of a full chockablock week of laughter and inspiration has made my body ache. Oh how I have cried from laughing so hard with tears streaming down my cheeks only to be followed by contemplative thoughts and wisdom. Phew time flies when you are having fun (or is it because I am getting older? Don’t answer)!

So much has taken place, some people have lives and haven’t blogged that much, we’ll forgive them but I have one question for all you quiet ones… Where can I buy a life???

Deeps over at Simply Life N Me has finally written about her views on New York entitled Days passing by… Very informative and had a good giggle at some of her, I mean others, antics. (Note to self… when in NYC take GPS)

You know there is not a week that passes by that I am not either touched or inspired by Enreal words. This week she’s been busy but two posts really stick with me like pollen on the clothes of my heart. Her post on Miracles made me smile and all warm inside with the thought that someone else also believes in them as I do (yes it is now fact that I am not the only crazy one ). Your book is also a must read, the symbology threw me and then made me smile like this –> .

Another poem that caught me into thinking was One Second Please by Vishesh, both thought provoking and well written! Most definitely not to be missed is the one about DM’s pet pig, how cute is that!!!

You remember my post An African Questioned? Well Abroad had (no doubt many) a similar situation except in my books this one was way more funny and a classic with her post I’m Sorry that is Classified. If you want a good chuckle then definitely head over there.

Lindsey over at *! [emphatic asterisk] wrote a number of inspirational pieces this week, this woman’s talent for words, the heart she puts into them and her wisdom never stops astounding me. Her post on Self Mutilation, Self Hatred and Suicide blew me away only to be followed by Modesty is about more than skin which has really stuck with me. Go read her first chapter of the book she’s writing, one day I hope to walk into a book store and buy her book with the biggest grin on my face!

Don’t miss CordieB’s “Spiritual riddle” about all of this, if you’ve ever been there her words will connected with the deepest parts within you, you will find yourself nodding and then perhaps smiling as I did.

Along the same vein Martha over at Recovered Bulimic has written a number of posts that I feel will touch many hearts the world over. Her recovery from one of the biggest diseases to hit this planet is nothing short of pure inspiration, the fact that she is able to share her experiences and what she learnt even more so! Her fairy tale of hope I still smile about, oh how I wish I lived near such a beautifully spiritual place!

Phew I had my eyes opened this week by Persistent Illusion with the students at Harvard, I myself think JK Rowling is inspiring, clever, funny and wise so what if she isn’t a politician. In my books all politicians need to find their hearts perhaps then they will become wise… Ah there were many inspirational posts on this blog for this week alone never mind its entire existence… go have a read you won’t be sorry that is one thing that’s for sure!

I had a good chuckle at @mmonyte’s post The Science of the Bleedin’ obvious and felt encouraged by his post A Rare Beast for the fact that someone in government is standing up for what they believe to be wrong and right. Oh before I forget, this election over in the US is all the buzz! I really do want to get my hands on some of these though, pure genius!

From politics to quotes, Enreal started one of those taggy meme things with his Favourite Quotes which hit a few of us Moi, Sorrow, CordieB and Amberfireinus to name a few (apologies if I have missed you please let me know!!!). If that wasn’t enough I seem to have made a Meme tag thingie out of one of Amber’s posts “Things that make me interesting and unique” which inspired me to take a long look at me, my past and all my quirks (some of them scary). It then got passed onto VanessaLeigh’s Blog, her interpretation of one of my favourite movies versus her life was beyond amazing!

It really does seem like there were a lot of questions asked this week but the most profound was by ifoundme with this one. Simple and yet very thought provoking indeed! Even more profound is Visionary’s Perfection Deception of Perception post (yip a mouthful), I dare you to go do the “test” and count how many balls are being thrown about… go on I dare you!

Hmmm there really have been so many different posts that have inspired me, Speeding to the red light, well it just struck me as prophetically true. How many of us speed through life, multi-tasking and trying to get everything done… spooky … it stops you in your tracks just like a red light, makes you think and head out to smell the roses, excellently written! On a similar note Ilegirl’s post comes to mind about Waste Not Want Not, as we get older boy is it more tough to juggle… I think we need to all get those signs on our forehead that read “Circus Pro Watch OUT!”

Ever suffered from Road Rage? I experience it daily, motorists aiming for me while out being a good civil pedestrian, I mean can they not see my black jacket with the “No Whining” logo on??? When life gets toooo fast then this place comes to mind, it is must be the most beautiful place in the world, I now lie in bed and dream of one day visiting it. Can just see myself practising Tai Chi there.. oh what bliss!

As you know art is one of my great passions, I live it every day and aspire to one day be able to create something that doesn’t look like a dog’s breakfast. I found Single for a Reason™ posts on Anish Kapoor’s work incredible, the way she writes literally pulls you in and puts you right there, smelling, seeing, feeling, it’s definitely an “Oh wows“! Not only art though with Single, this week I got to see a first that I had only ever dreamed of, a spider actually heading towards the moon!!! Yip it sure made sexy Spiderman turn a pleasant shade of emerald green not to mention me!

What? You have not read the Spud series??? You mean to say you have not yet read Part 1, Part 2 or Part 3? You have not lived until you have, I can honestly say that I bruised my ribcage from laughing so hard… ok perhaps it was because I have done similar … ok fine often… but that is just between you and me. BTW Single … SA Spuds say hi

Ok I have been trying to avoid this but I must admit something to you, I lost a bet yesterday with our friend Amberfireinus.. no I am not proud of the fact. It was only one small puff I swear it! But alas she was the sweetest and posted her end of the bet anyway with her post Thank you for smoking - its soooo good for you - yip she’s trying to encourage me to continue smoking! Shock Horror… My end of the bet? Yes the bet I lost entails a disgusting post filled with the most vile images that I still can’t get out of my head Kissing an Ashtray… If you’re brave go for it, just not before lunch ok.

Public Announcement: Brit in California is not addicted to food here is his proclamation!

Oh before I forget! Phew the Personal Ad candidates are coming out in droves, two such possibles contacted Psychscribe go see what you think..

As you can see it has been quite a busy week with so so so many posts that I just loved, if I forgot any please forgive me my brain is small just like Winnie the Pooh says… yes it really is small!

P.S. My jeans are now loose, another kg gone Thank you to all of you that are helping me in my exercise regime… laughing is the best one can get

P.S.S. If you want to do your own review it will make my day, nothing like spreading the wisdom around and am always interested in reading more inspirational or funny posts.. spread the love and never stop smilin’

And to end it all off? I was blonde enough to write this over my last post Whoa what a week… Can someone give me a Noddy Badge? Please? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

Kissing an Ashtray

Ok so I was meant to give up and FINE I cheated every now and then with a little small eeny teeny puff. Did I feel good after each puff? No, it tasted like I had dragged my tongue over a dirty pavement and then back again. I think it is round about now when I tell you or rather suggest that you don’t read on if you have either a weak stomach or smoke…. the inconvenient truth is not pretty.

I have been smoking since the age of 14, I only really got into it when I was 18, by the age of 21 I smoked 60 a day if not more. I have donated many brain cells to this cause, I am now 29 going on 50.

Nope not joking, 50 is the age of my lungs, 29 the age of everything else (not the liver mind). So here comes the disgusting bit that I really can’t avoid. The lungs on the left is what I should have, the lungs on the right are probably still better than what I have today as I sit here and type this.

WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT

My Sanity

Painting, photography, doing anything creative fills me with peace… Some people play musical instruments, others go for long walks, sit on benches in the quiet of day, I do all but this is still the quickest way to still my busy mind. When I get stressed out such as today I find myself grabbing an old image and quite literally zoning out and playing, stilling my mind… some of the images are just purely what I would call wacko but here is a mild one from today

…and another from the other day

Today…

Staying strong in front of hundreds of people was the hardest thing today, hearing about his life and all his adventures, the fun times he had and the incredible man that he was (expanding of course on what I already knew) brought me practically to my knees. I am an emotion based person, I feel others and so today I was impounded by others love and heartache at their loss.

 

Rodger’s funeral was held at a friends wine estate just out side Stellenbosch, out side in the sun, more of a memorial than anything else to be honest. Friends and family gathered and the good times kind of started but never ended there… It was just what Rodger would have wanted, no church just God and his closests celebrating his life, the good times and the bad, good (strike, excellent) wine, good food and good music, all generations dancing, screaming with laughter and having fun. Met some incredible people and my heart grew even more… I was blessed to have met him, known him and will always hold him in my heart.

 

Everything happens for a reason and the reasons have been shown

 

Right now where is my coffee!

The Other Mini!

Oooooo I can’t wait!!! Just got the call to confirm that indeed I am interested in joining my dear Nix for a day with the new Mini Clubman that she won… yeah right I can just see me going “erm I am sorry I just can’t face a fancy breakfast, driving around in the new Clubman or the Coctail party in the evening, nopes sorry I much prefer the Nissan Micra!” come now! We are going to be the ONLY ones in South Africa on the road in that thing, it’s not launched and it kinda gives me a kick and a half… love cars see! (ironic yes to those that know my secret shhhh)

Ok yes, as you may have gathered I am a total Mini fan… look at it… who couldn’t! ok well the soft tops are better but hey what can you do!

Happy Easter to all of you

Happy Easter to all

May nothing but good tidings find their way

Happy memories formed anew

More importantly the Easter Bunny to you

 

Just in case his GPS fails

A little gift from me to you

*hugs*

Birth and Death

Well all I can say is that I am literally split in two, birth and death within hours of each other…

Death… Yesterday my elderly neighbour Mabel came screaming to our door almost falling through it. I felt her emotion before she came to our place, right next to ours, her scream was the worst I have ever heard in my life and her emotion hit me to the point that I was numbed straight through to my soul. Her husband, our dear Rodger, one of the most delightful men I have ever met was killed in a car crash less than a kilometre from our house, it is his birthday today, he would’ve turned 80. Rodger was amazing, always coming round to check on my mother after her operation, driving us around and always up for a chat or two. I haven’t been able to cry till now for what happened yesterday, its stuck in my throat … ok the tears are now flowing down my cheeks. If only I had seen it, all I had a couple of days a go was a strong feeling that he was not going to last long but I thought it meant he had cancer, if only I had had had a premonition as I have done before maybe I could’ve warned him, done something but it never came, I guess it was his time and I was not meant to stop it. I’m so so sad, my heart goes out to Mabel and the rest of their family. Rodger, my friend, I feel you close… Happy Birthday, the cake is beautiful the kids are here now…

So much death seems to be happening around me and in my life, don’t know if I can feel anymore…

My friend over in Manchester has given birth a day early, still waiting for all the details but am just so happy that it all went well, I just know what this little bundle of joy will do to them all - an amazing family and a close one at that. Congrats Suz!

A Down Day

With my sporadic internet I find myself typing away in word in between designing the new logo for one of the companies, a blank page today and my heart is heavy. Today started off well I guess, our house keeper was here and is very sick, sicker than what she is saying but also needs the money so much and didn’t want to let my mother down so came to work. She is an amazing woman raising 4 kids with her husband with limited funds; they have primary school educations and limited resources which breaks my heart.

It is also three months today since my friend passed away and all afternoon my chest was really tight as if I couldn’t breathe… ironically he died from drowning in the end because his lungs couldn’t function properly with the pneumonia he had contracted during the last days of his treatment. I have felt him with me sporadically since his passing, but today it was more intense than ever before. He has told me he is fine on the other side, that he is happy there and is out of pain but today I couldn’t shake the unsettled feeling as if he had unfinished business… its been nagging me the whole afternoon and even now it is still with me.

My bestest is also suffering today, she and I share a connection, she feels my moods over the miles and I feel hers, she is a lot like a few of you, perhaps more of you, she is sick but doesn’t look it, my Pru. If I could take her illness into myself I would do it in a heart beat and I’m going to freak her out by saying I swear I am going to try to do it as well, the power of the mind and soul are untapped so why not? I wish I could do that for some of my other friends as well, wish I could’ve done it for Lee. What ever you may think, be all of the above symptomatic or me just being purely insane all I can say is that my chest is tight and I miss him so much, I am sad for Janib our housekeeper and I feel my dear friend and what she is going through. Feel so guilty feeling like this when there are so many others going through worse things Oh dang I must get out this emotional slump!

Ah what a day lol the good news is that I have lost another 2kgs which makes me very happy. Hmmm I have just realised its been a week since I had a decent glass of wine aaaah it all makes sense now must go buy some tomorrow, hmmm a nice KWV shiraz or Nederberg pinotage!

On the funnier side the education of my mother continues – today she was sitting opposite me as I worked on some photos and she was getting all serious and frustrated so I decided it was time for a little ice-breaker and hence forth another monster was born… I whipped round to her side of the desk and brought up the webcam control panel and clicked snapshot - well you should have seen her face, she was in awe that it had been on her laptop the entire time and she hadn’t know what it could do… so I told her “right one, two, three, pull a funny face” and boy did she! She kept on pulling them as well, eventually we were once again reduced to hysterics and laughter! I would post the photos (I secretly didn’t delete them as requested tsk tsk) but alas she might find them and well I would be literally killed I think…

She turned to me after we had calmed down and said “you know I don’t know whose daughter you are, you don’t take after me and you don’t take after your father, but I love you” wow for my mother that is BIG! … and best of all… it means that I am me, no one else but me!

My mother’s inner child has found the outside world and the world is a better place for it apart from the swearing of course which seems to have calmed down thank goodness (not one syllable today)!

To end on a good note… Smile a little smile, laugh until you cry, never lose your inner child, allow it to play a while even on the darkest of days when your mood is so heavy it suffocates you… play a little while, it lightens the load…

… a rambling soul trying to heed what she says …

Numb

Those who know me know that I can often go silent, I lose the ability to speak, to translate what I feel to words. It is something I have been working on for a couple of years now… sound strange? yeah it is pretty odd to most people but through the years I have been in survival mode so long that I have never learnt what the basic feelings are and how to translate them. It was one of the biggest things that my therapist and I worked on.

No matter how much I work on it it seems that I still get stuck, more so now a days than before. Right now all I can say is that I am numb, I can not tell the people that ask how I am feeling because I don’t know the words to describe them… they duly get frustrated with me thinking that I don’t trust them but truth is I don’t know.