Life suckers

Oh the rhymes you can get just from that word alone… admit it and say it out loud… go on dare ya!

Life suckers that gain glee from finding a fresh piece of juicy meat to gnaw their mangy blunt teeth on.  You know the type, the ones that latch on and suck you dry of all you have replacing your positivity with negativity, inch by inch you become a prune of what you used to be.

Wrinkles covering our faces are nothing like the ones inside, being sucked dry from inside out leaves deeper grooves than could ever be seen upon your external skin and the damage far deeper.  Depending on how long the sucker has been leeached onto you, your body will start immitating the state of your soul.  Your walk will change and become sluggish, your feet not quite lifting off the street as you walk, your head is heavier and leans more forward than straight upwards, instead of facing the world your eyes fall to the fall.

Life suckers are killers, there is no pretty way of putting it and point blank they don’t deserve the meat they are sucking on, you.

Symptoms of the Life Sucker virus:

Guilt trips for simple things, this may include things such as not wanting to do something that the other wants to do in the form of “Fine, sure, I’ll go alone” or “Well I won’t eat alone so I’ll just skip”.  The list for this one is long and varied, take your pick and add it to the list.

You discuss something exciting, either an idea or something you want to do, with them and they turn around and give you a negative either about why you can’t do it or point blank why it won’t work without stopping to hear you out.

They criticize you in anything you do, nothing that you do seems to meet the grade even though they miss the boat more often than not

You greet them with happiness and they respond with negatives either about you or themselves

They expect you to fix their lives instantly and when you do something to help them they turn round and spit in your face

You listen to them for hours and they ask your advice only to turn round and do the opposite or better yet ignore everything only to come back to you soon after to talk about it all over again.

They treat you well to your face and then when you turn your back you find that others come to you telling you things about yourself you didn’t even know

Place more here…

The list is long, perhaps you recognise a life sucker in your life and can think of more examples.  If you’re willing to share lets hear them, the more comprehensive list of symptoms we can get the better equipped we will all be in extracting this killer virus, sometimes hidden by smiles, from our lives once and for all.

The thing is, once you realise you have a life sucker in your life extracting those mangy blunt teeth is not as easy as appearances belie.   Sometimes those teeth belong to family members, life long friends or even people we can’t easily remove from our lives such

as work colleagues and the likes there of.

The only cure is the realisation of what they are, once you’ve come to this realisation that they are Life Suckers you will start noticing all the things that they do to you, the things that drain you of your spirit, your energy, positivity and happiness.  Once you start noticing all the little things they slowly start building up to the point that you have enough resistance to their venom and become strong enough to say “Enough is enough” or better yet “I am worth more than this, I want my energy and life force back, fuck off”

Yeah I swore, no pretty way of saying it like I said.  Ok so perhaps not in those exact words but you get the point, perhaps you can soften it up by telling them to go find someone else to suck dry because you’re done or tell them that they need to find happiness within themselves because living and laughing for two doesn’t quite work.

Killers these Life Suckers are, don’t let them suck you dry because one day you’ll wake up and you will be the very thing that sucked you dry.

Scary shit

Swore again but how else do you say it with the same emphasis?

Take back your life, it’s time…

Status friends and Gossiping Mothers

Some people are really funny, when they first meet me they are friendly as chocolate buttons on toast, all melted and soft … then they ask me what I do and I respond with the big red glow in the dark word… Nanny.

Shock horror run for the hills… their once friendly faces grow non committal, their body language changes to cold and within a minute of finding out what I do they excuse themselves and go chat with the other mothers every now and then looking over in my direction.  I absolutely love when this happens and tend to do this on purpose more and more.

Crazy?

True character shows when one gives another a socially diminutive job title.  Fact.  Those who don’t even blink when I utter the word “Nanny”, those who don’t change their body language or start giving me “that look” will see beyond any social status I give them and at least see a part of who I am not what I am.  Those are the people I don’t mind talking to or spending time with because ten to one they will have a depth that reaches further than the up turned noses of the others.

I suppose I could instead tell them that I am a co-owner of a up and coming graphic design company or that I have a famous movie star as a friend back in SA or even that I used to manage projects worth millions to make more friends… but would they be genuine ones?

To those who first meet me I am never who I seem or come across, I keep cards close to my chest and only unveil certain information as time progresses and I have had time to see the type of person you are.

Is this a trust issue? A personality fault? Manipulative?

I think not, instead it is more about who I want in my life and who I just don’t have time for anymore… kind of like Ambermoon’s thought of the day about being the finest cuisine… you don’t really want junk food on the same plate do you?

Mourning a different kind of loss

image If you have ever spoken to a therapist or someone who has studied up they will tell you about the five stages of grief.  They’ll tell you that in order to heal after a loss that each person will swing between each of them for an undefined period in time until they reach the final one of Acceptance. 

The five stages of grief:

1. Denial

“this can’t be happening to me”, looking for the person that you have lost in familiar places, setting the table for that person.  No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

2. Anger

“why me?”, feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

3. Bargaining

Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

4. Depression

Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

5. Acceptance

There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn’t leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.

Most of them will tell you that that undefined period normally lasts about 2 years though each person is different and some get stuck in the first 4 never progressing to the 5th one.

There is one kind of loss that is often over looked.  When we talk of loss our first impulse is to think of the loss of a person to death or broken relationship.  -+

There is another one and in some respects it is a far greater longer lasting loss than all the others. 

The loss of a childhood.

Mourning the loss of the childhood you never had can be far more traumatic than losing another person under any circumstances.  The healing process can be longer, it can take a lifetime of swinging between all of those five stages listed up above and at the end of the day reaching the final stage of acceptance is like the shedding of a skin after years of peeling the layers off.

The four stages of mourning the loss of a childhood:

1. Denial

Nothing bad happened to me, I didn’t miss out on anything.  Sure my parents never showed me love but that is ok, that is normal.  I wasn’t abused it was just a different way of showing me love.  I am not the product of my youth. I am not affected by the things that happened to me.

2. Anger

Feelings of wanting to fight back or get even the ones that took your childhood away. Anger at the fact that you never had the childhood that others seem to have. Questions of why me and who were they to do that to me. Rage at the injustice of the childhood you had

3. Depression

Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had as a child. Mourning the loss of not having a loving relationship, a mentor, playing like other kids, all that you should’ve had but didn’t.  Feeling lack of control, feeling numb, feeling like life is pointless, that it will never get better, that you are hopeless and your life is pointless. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

4. Acceptance

There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly.  The realisation that it isn’t your fault that all the things happened.  Accepting that your childhood was not in your control.  Accepting that you didn’t have all the happy experiences of the other children and understanding that what you make with your adulthood is up to you.  Acceptance of the fact that what happened did happen and that they did have an affect on you.  Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing, working through each thing and growing from them.  Our goals turn toward personal growth.

The grieving process between losing a person and the loss of a childhood are similar in many ways though bargaining doesn’t play as great a role in the latter.  No matter what anyone says there is still a process that we go through in order to heal from bad childhoods.  Not many of us have perfect youths filled with love, laughter, playing in the sun and dancing in the rain.  Whether we decide to accept it for what it is remains with each of us.

Some may get stuck in one of the first three stages, they may say things like “Oh well it happened, I am happy now and am not affected, sure I miss it but that is ok” or “Why the hell did I have to be the ONE to get all of that dealt to me, why could they not have just loved me, I am unlovable, no point in even trying”…

There are so many things that we can tell ourselves, the list is eternally endless and ultimately facing our childhoods is one of the scariest and traumatic things that any adult can do.  Old demons and things lurking in closets are not just the stuff of nightmares but rather of all of our waking adult lives… There are no right or wrong ways of dealing with it but can we ever be truly “whole” without facing them? Without going through the grieving process and reaching that end acceptance?

I have gone through the four stages of grieving for the childhood I never had, I still swing sometimes between all of them depending on which chapter I open or what demons return to shake me up.  I am not ashamed of that fact nor do I run from the truth of it.  I used to get so frustrated with myself for not being “whole” fast enough, for not being able to handle things and reach acceptance with lightening speed.  I used to beat myself up and castigate myself in and out for it all but then I reached my own level of acceptance.

For every step backwards I step two forwards.  Acceptance is a continual process not done overnight and all things that are worthwhile take time.  If it were easy then there would be little point because it would mean that I am only skimming the surface of what lurks below.

The loss of a childhood can torment you for as long as you allow it…

My soul is full of whispered song,
My blindness is my sight;
The shadows that I feared so long
Are full of life and light.
   ~~ Dying Hymn

Hippy Happy Biffday Joy whoohoo!!!

Wells our crazy *ahem* cookie thief from Minnesota is turning 102 today folks and never stronger I can tell you!  Let me tell you a little bit about Minnesota aka Joy aka my partner in cookie crime

Joy is one of those people that you can always depend on, her heart is full and her soul kind.  She’s the type of person that will find a bird with a broken wing, take it home and feed it water through a little tiny bottle till it is strong and mended.  Between you and me, probably feed it stolen cookies as well though she blames that on her cute kitty Maddie… we don’t believe her so its ok.

Minnesota wears purple and gold at least once a week, am not lying to you here, to the point that it is believed she even paints her toe nails to match eeny meeny style! Yip with sparkles as well, you betcha!

I met Joy through Amber’s blog, I started answering her questions and then something happened.  I don’t quite know how it happened or at what point it all changed from blogging acquaintance to heartfelt friend for life but now I have a cookie thief in my life that makes me laugh so hard I cry, makes me smile when I think it’s hard to and one whom I love dearly.

Joy, thank you for being you, who you are to me and who you are to the world.  You are a true blessing, one I am thankful for each and every day.  I hope you have the most incrediblest of days today and that all the years to come are filled with nothing but happy memory making moments, warm fuzzies and laughter all encased in a big ball of love!

Hippy Happy Biffday gf!!!

You didn’t think I forgot did you?

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Ok just joking, the Cookie Monster is stuck out in the North Pole at the moment, he thought it an opportune moment to try and get to Santa’s stocks *shrug*

Problems is we’ve spent a few days trying to ward off one times ginger kitty and one times wild dog from your cake…

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It was a close one can tell ya… that kitty he be FAST like lightening bolts on a summers day… so fast we almost didn’t catch him before he swallowed it WHOLE!

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But lucky for us we had California, dang fast that women she be, the cake was saved in one piece and no drool… so today we light the candles for you, for all the love you give to receive and more…

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Afreaka and the world

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We LUFF youuuuu!!!

… now a special song just for you …

Don’t know who those posers were at the end, they totally hijacked poor Billy The Mutt who spent hours getting ready, rehearsing and stuff *not pleased*

… so without further ado we found another just for you …

Hippy Happy Birthday Joy!

May you have a luffly day, get spoilt rotten and get a gazillion hugs

From all of us in the Blogosphere Familia

Us

Fruit Salad with a few nuts

It’s been a long time coming but through the weeks of silence I have continued  to star the posts that really hit me in the gut by their “gem-y-ness”, diamond of posts!

PUBLIC ANNOUCEMENTS:

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I recently read a post that totally blew me away, an extract of sorts from a Memoir that by the sounds of things is totally beyond awesome.  From the first word uttered upon the page my soul ignited for it tells a story close to my heart and a lesson for all of mankind.  If you are to do anything today go read The Little Saint Nicholas, you won’t be sorry. Hey you know me, its got to be awesome if it makes the salad!

A new blogger to the market has arrived in the form of the one and only Don Fried, an Author, Playwright and incredible human.  To fully understand the man you need to start with his first post, an awesome one at that, How I Became a Crusty Old Fart… come on with a post title like that you know you are going to have a laugh or two for sure! Ok so if you don’t want stronger stomach muscles don’t head over there… my six pack is coming along nicely albeit still slightly hidden by insulation of sorts!

Congrats to Mind Explosion on her and Souf Effrikan hubby for not only getting the house of their dreams but moving in AND with two beautiful kittens (photos pending…)

A fellow blogger whom a lot of you have read, both past and present, was recently Interviewed by the Pakistani Spectator… this is HUGE and am sending a huge bottle of bubbly with decent chocolate to Deeps over at Empowering Roots! Congrats hun, we are so so so proud of you!

THE DIAMONDS

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Keep it loose, keep it tight what is the point of worry when all comes down to true Self belief coupled with Learning to trust again and topped off with the adage “Take a breath, be brave and let go…“.

Sometimes Old Unwanted “Friends” return making you wonder whether or not to start Banging on doors, yelling “Those Bastards”, uttering curses such as “May they all get halitosis . . .” and the likes there of.  There isn’t much to do other than run with the moment and pray that the once poisonous venom doesn’t pierce your heart once more.

Ah but what if you were to die today? no, seriously? Would you be happy with the life you have led, how you have acted and treated others? If not, would it mean that you had to take God back? Would that matter? Ok, sorry, perhaps a few hard questions and no, they are not religion based but rather life based.

The Measurement of a Man Lies in the His Heart and is found through Living a true life…one day at a time.  You don’t have to go around shouting “It’s A Wonderful Life!” but Change really does start with one person.. and that might just be you.. yes? Who are we now?

Quit the Morning Blues, When you say nothing at all.. it gets you further than the length of an ant.  Speak your heart and soul, feel the Anger or Emptiness, love, hope, happiness… just feel and speak.  Emerge. Don’t Forget.

Sad Clarence and the Turkey, Experiencing Failure and working through it… Sometimes I think life is much like a poker game that makes you smile big smiles hearing “I am Not a dirty old man (and proud of it)“.  No Santa Stalker’s here thanks! (ok are they good looking???)<— you are soooo going to click on it, just know it… girls, you won’t be sorry!

Hannukkah is coming up and Christmas as well, times are rough for some, perhaps more than some, Rocking Christmas Without Cash is not as hard as it sounds.  First thing though is the question of those Christmas cards, personally I don’t send them because I like to save the trees, the ink and look after the planet… ok… fine… I’ll admit it… I’m a lazyass but so are you right? [place yes here]

For me Christmas is every day, I’ve written posts in the past about throwing a Christmas Party in June, about celebrating those we love each and every single day of our lives not just when the Man was born.  “But, it’s so SHINY…” doesn’t matter, without love it aint so shiny after all… and Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

Are Bald Women Sexy? Personally I have contemplated going bald on many occasions.  In SA we do it once a year for Cancer, a national shavathon.  All people, all races, sexes, etc come together at selected meeting points or even at home and shave their heads in order to recognise the struggle of cancer victims and brain diseases.  It is one of the most incredible experiences walking through the streets and seeing every second person bald.  Last year alone there were over 2 million people, young, old, mediums, you name it with the oldest registered shavathonelite being 76 years old!  No, it will not Insult your wife if you were to do it, toughies!

Fat kids and stupid parents with Time out rooms in schools and The Principal’s Office… aye scary times but ultimately who we are makes our children right? I am still learning all this parent stuff, right now it sounds really scary!

Racism immunity?  A tough question for some but for a lot of us there is no question.  Once We Were Boys… and girls, when we were young and before we were told who is “bad” and who is “good, we didn’t see a difference at all.  Some of us kept that youthful view and others had it drummed into them so much that they can’t escape it. 

Welcome To… to the truth of the world, the truth that you see is the truth that will be.

Thank you to all of you who have stuck by me, who have supported me and pushed me forward especially in the times you had no cooking clue you were doing it!  I am warm, happy, safe and happy <– did I already say mention that? lol, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You shall be seeing more of me in the next couple of weeks so don’t get a shock and these salads I shall try continue if you guys still enjoy them…

Thanks for the incredible awesomeness of all your posts, there were so many brilliant ones it was tough going doing this one… next one shall include more links just don’t tell the partner in crime.

Ta

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My kind of sign!

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