Is forgiveness really possible?

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Forgiveness is one of the world’s greatest mysteries, one that seems to always come with a short answer “just accept and move on”. Hah! Yeah right… seriously? Just accept it and move on? You have to be kidding people!

After hearing that one liner so many times I stopped asking others how they came to forgive another. I started to realize that each of us have our own journeys to live with roads that may intersect at times but overall are lived only by us. No one can tell you how to come to a place where forgiving someone for something they did to you is accomplished.

imageThat said, I have also come to realize that in order for any one of us to reach a place where we genuinely forgive another we have to face the past and the transgression head on. We can skim over it and act like we have forgiven someone but all it does is delay the pain.

I call forgiveness a devil ghost with a multitude of horns for it haunts us, sits on both our shoulders and whispers negativity, it reminds us of the hurt and encourages us to distrust constantly. Forgiveness is a ghost that can haunt our lives right up till the time we join it in a ghostly fashion. No, you can’t just forget nor can you just accept and move on.  If that were the case there would be no vengeful acts or murders, suicides or even estranged relatives.

So how can you come to accept and to forgive?

The long and short of it is that it is ultimately up to you. From my experience it is a lifelong process with many different stages and in turn these stages can often take the form of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance.  Much like how they work in the 5 Stages of Grief, these 5 amigos swing between each other.

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It’s easy to deny that we are hurt, more often than not it is easier to pretend we weren’t hurt in the first place as a “pay back” against the person who hurt us… I think that deep down we truly want to believe that we weren’t hurt by their actions, that we aren’t that weak.

Anger… well that is a totally different matter, one we all know too well (well I do anyways).

imageBargaining – Perhaps it was actually me, perhaps they didn’t really mean to hurt me so badly, maybe I instigated it!

Depression, now this one sneaks up on you, it slips in undetected and normally this only comes in when the hurt is so profound that it changes how we “operate” or our belief structures.

Acceptance?

From my experience:

· Acceptance feels like knowing that what happened to you can never be undone.

· Knowing that the lessons in what happened, how you reacted and how the other person acted, help you be a better person and guide you towards the person you want to be.

· Knowing that you yourself are capable of doing what was done to you (it’s the scary truth).image

Forgiveness?

It comes in many different shapes and forms and it can take a life time to attain, your friends and/or loved ones may not understand how you could ever reach it and that it is ok… and the cherry on the cake is that more often than not you reach it without even realizing. One day you suddenly realize that you are not carrying the extra weight on your shoulders anymore and you smile.

I’ve mourned my childhood and I have mourned the ideals I had set for certain figures in my life, I have heard the request for forgiveness from another and understood that those that hurt us don’t always realize they hurt us unless we let them know.

I’m no guru nor do I proclaim anything but I do speak from my own personal journey in hope that perhaps it helps you.

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One day at a time, focus on today and the rest will follow

Life Uncommon

remoteImage-25This morning I read Liar (Part One ) by Sweetiegirlz (Thanks Pat) and this song started  playing in my head, over and over again, it played.  The lyrics are that which I wish I could sing to all children who find themselves in scary times, times of abuse, poverty, sadness and horror. Instead I sing it to the world in hope that it hears me, hears the message of hope, of hanging on and fighting for another day.

Perhaps I am a bit nostalgic, perhaps I am now just able to sit back and look at the big full picture and see all the puzzle pieces come together like a huge patch work quilt.

Sometimes the little girl within cries, she cries for a childhood she never got to have, for the love she never had and for the injustice of it all.

Sometimes that little girl reaches out and plays with other kids as if she were them, their age, giggling, laughing and doing duck walks.

Sometimes she cries for the other little kids she can’t help or save from the pain.

See, I know I can’t save anyone and most definitely I won’t be able to save all the children in this world nor will I be able to ever prevent the horrors they go through… but… perhaps we can show them that it is possible to survive, that it is possible to be all that you want to be, to break free and show them the strength that lies within them.

I wish I was a superhero not for the fame but rather just so that I would be able to zoom all of these kids to a better safer place… hmm and no there would be no underwear on top!

So to all those who have experienced hard times, trauma, harsh pasts, abuse of any kind… tell your stories, share your experiences and set your words free for they will show others that no matter what it’s possible to live, to survive and to rebuild themselves.

If you don’t want to do it on your current blog create a separate one, do what ever you need to do just get it off your chest and into the sphere… each word saves a life, that is fact and I am testament to it.

don’t worry mother, it’ll be alright
and don’t worry sister, say your prayers and sleep tight
it’ll be fine lover of mine
it’ll be just fine

lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
no longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from
fill your lives with love and bravery
and you shall lead a life uncommon

I’ve heard your anguish,
I’ve heard your hearts cry out
we are tired, we are weary, but we aren’t worn out
set down your chains, until only faith remains
set down your chains

and lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
no longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from
fill your lives with love and bravery
and we shall lead a life uncommon

there are plenty of people who pray for peace
but if praying were enough it would have come to be
let your words enslave no one and the heavens will hush themselves
to hear our voices ring out clear
with sounds of freedom
sounds of freedom

come on you unbelievers, move out of the way
there is a new army coming and we are armed with faith
to live, we must give
to live

and lend our voices only to sounds of freedom
no longer lend our strength to that which we wish to be free from
fill your lives with love and bravery
and we shall lead…

lend our voices only to sounds of freedom
no longer lend our strength to that which we wish to be free from
fill your lives with love and bravery

Q&A: "Books that I am reading" widget

Question: How do I add a list of the books I have read/reading to my blog”

Answer:

1. Go to Amazon Affiliate Program Links

They may require you to log in with your Affiliate username and password

2. Put the book you are wanting to add in the search bar and select “books” or “Music” etc and click search

3. A list of possible books according to your criteria will then display below that bar, right click on the image of the book you want and select “open in new tab/window”

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4. Once it has opened up right click on the cover image and select “copy image address/location” (dependent on your browser)

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5. Open WordPress as if you were going to write a post and click on the little image button at the top right next to “Add media”

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6.  Paste the link in the “Source” section provided and add the Image Title (the book title/author/etc)

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7. For the Link URL section copy the address provided in the address bar for the page containing the book you are adding

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8. Click center and then insert into Post.  You will now see the book cover that you selected from your Amazon account. 

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9. Click on the HTML tab in the top right hand corner and highlight the html code shown here, right click and copy.

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10. Click “Design” on your WordPress Dashboard followed by “Widgets”

11. Click on the “Text” lying on the left of the page, it will then jump to the right hand side where all active widgets can be seen. Left click on “edit” and type in the title of your Widget, ie “Books I’ve Read”.

12. Once the title is typed right click in the bigger section and select paste.  All your html code should now be seen like below.

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13. Click “Change” followed by “Save Changes”

14. Go look at your blog and you should see something similar to the below image in your sidebar. 

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*Note: Should you wish to add more than one book you can add additional “Text” boxes to your widgets, leaving out the “widget title” so that it follows directly below the previous one.

If you want to add “What I am reading now” or other and get stuck pop me an email sanityf@gmail.com and I’ll see what I can do.

Thanks again for all the emails and comments with questions, I will be getting to each as they come in.

Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF

UNICEF ImageHalloween has a mixed bag of reviews.  Some in the world see it as evil and pure pagan, against their God and all they believe in.  Some “celebrate” it just for fun, they get exciting when they start to plan their outfits, bake their cakes, prepare the apples and just in general its excitement in Capitals. Others don’t even know of its existence.

Those others are ten to one kids that have less than one meal a day, lie in shacks, don’t go to school because either there aren’t any around or their parents can’t afford them.  Their clothes are torn and their lives are lived on less than $1 a day.

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Back in 1950 in the city of Philadelphia, USA, a group of school children decided to go door-to-door at Halloween collecting money in decorated milk cartons to help the world’s children.  Those children started a tradition that I hope will never end but rather continue to spread into other festivals, holidays and the likes there of… the tradition of  ‘Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF’ was born.

They raised a grand total of $17, kicking off a campaign that has since brought in more than $188 million to provide medicine, better nutrition, clean water, education, emergency relief and other support to children in more than 160 countries.

Millions of children now participate each year in Halloween-related fund-raising campaigns in the United States, Canada, Ireland, Mexico and Hong Kong.

But in these campaigns, children go far beyond trick or treating in scary costumes with the familiar orange collection boxes in hand. Children and young people take part in various fun and educational events that help them gain a better understanding of child rights and the challenges facing children around the world – including poverty, killer diseases and armed conflict. They help stage events to raise funds and increase awareness about these issues, and in doing so learn that they can help change the world.

Perhaps I am a bit late in telling you about this, perhaps you know of it already… if you want to participate grab a little orange box or or something to collect money in, speak to the school near you.. perhaps they are involved and collecting funds. 

For those that believe Halloween to be bad… lets put the past behind us and take a look at the tradition as it stands today, it’s not of the past, it is of the now.

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In the USA

‘Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF’ is a 53 year “young” education and fundraising initiative that gives U.S. kids, along with their parents and teachers, the opportunity to learn about their peers worldwide who are truly in need and to raise money on their behalf.  

U.S. children have collected $119 million by going door-to-door with the trademark orange collection boxes on Halloween and by planning fundraisers with their school or group. 

Join the USA ‘Trick or Treat for UNICEF’ campaign. 

In Canada

In Canada, the 2003 ‘Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF’ campaign is underway with donation boxes on retail counters, teachers ordering UNICEF boxes and educational materials, and children gearing up for the Halloween collection. 

This year, children and young people will learn about the true story of Selamawit, a girl who, during the Ethiopian famine in the 1980s, told a UNICEF worker that when she grew up she wanted to be “Alive.”

‘Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF’ has been a proud Canadian tradition since 1955. The campaign is recognized by the Government of Canada through the permanent declaration of 31 October as National UNICEF Day.

Join the ‘Trick or Treat for UNICEF’ campaign in Canada.

In Mexico

This year, about 8,000 children from 14 schools in Mexico City and in the states of Morelos and Nayarit will “Trick or Treat for UNICEF,” an initiative now in its fourth year in Mexico and known here as “Ayudando a Niños como Yo” (Helping children like me). 

Participating primary school students collect coins from family members, friends and neighbours to help the UNICEF-supported project “Escuela Amiga” (Child-friendly schools), which seeks to help all Mexican children, without exception, achieve a good-quality education.

“Helping children like me” has a double objective: it raises funds for UNICEF and it raises awareness among children who attend private schools in Mexico about the situation of thousands of children who don’t have the same educational opportunities as they do.

Go to the UNICEF Mexico site.

In Hong Kong

“Trick or Treat for UNICEF” was introduced in Hong Kong in 2001. With the enthusiastic support of children and the general public, $130,000 has been raised for improving the well-being of the neediest children worldwide.  The campaign continues this year, with the hope that “kids helping kids,” by collecting donations instead of candies, can become a tradition in Hong Kong.

Go to the UNICEF Hong Kong site.

The Starfish Story

imageOnce upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

 “I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “I made a difference to that one!”

After reading this parable the other day I was struck by the beautiful simplicity of it. 

That young man could have looked at the entire beach and given up, not even attempting to throw one starfish into the ocean but instead he looked more at what he could do and did it.  If had thought of it as the wise man had then not one starfish would’ve been saved.

So many people in this world sit back and go…

“I can’t do anything, the problems in this world or just too great”

“Its not my problem why should I bother”

“I’m not even going to try, what’s the point, helping one person won’t solve the problem”

The list of things people say goes on and on with no end.  I once told a friend of mine that I hoped in my next life I would have the tools available to me to make a greater impact on the world.  She turned round and said that I have them in this life but could not see it.

She then told me about the drop of water hitting a large lake, that small drop of water makes ripples.  Those ripples spread outwards and connect with other ripples and eventually the tides change. 

Ultimately it doesn’t matter who you are, what you are or where you are, we all have the capacity within us to make a difference.

It’s up to you what you do in this world, a simple act of kindness and thought goes along way, the ripples far reaching. 

How do you see the world?

Do you see it as the wise man or do you see it as the younger one throwing the starfish back into the ocean?

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