Both in need of a laugh and can’t get the song out of my head – woke up with it, what can you do!
All posts tagged laugh
Posted by Sanity on May 18, 2009
‘Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,’ he replied, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
‘Yiminy Cricket!’ exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. ‘Vere dit yew git dat monster??’
‘Vell,’ replied Ole, ‘I got it from my Genie.’
‘You haff a Genie?’ Sven asked.
‘Ya, shure. It’s right here in my tackle box,’ says Ole.
‘Could I see him?’
Ole opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says, ‘Hey dere! I’m a good
friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?’
‘Yes, I will,’ says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks….flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ole, ‘Yumpin’ Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!’
Ole answers, ‘Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
Posted by Sanity on February 15, 2009
A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school.
Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, “You kids are a lot of fun. I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The kids continue to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the man tells the kids, “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income. From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.” The noisemakers are displeased, but they accept his offer.
A few days later, the retiree approaches them again. “Look,” he says, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to pay more than 25 cents. Will that be OK?”
“A freakin’ quarter?” the drum leader exclaims. “If you think we’re going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts. We quit.”
Posted by Sanity on February 12, 2009
Got this in an email and thought it kinda fun and why the hell not right….
Things you have done during your lifetime:
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
(x) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Africa
(x) Been to Europe
(x) Been to Middle East
(x) Been to South America
( ) Been to North America
( ) Been to Asia
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been on a helicopter
(x) Been lost (more than once.. do I get brownie points???)
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers (cowboys and indians as well, does that count?)
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke (do NOT tell a soul!)
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only (its what I do when I get bad service, drives them nuts and is perfect payback)
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t. (*ahem* that x you see, imagine a lot of them)
( ) Made prank phone calls (am in denial about asking someone if their fridge was still working and then when they answered yes telling them that they better run after it before it gets away… sad I know but hey I was only innocent 11)
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue (yipeeeeeeeeeee was last WEEK!!!)
(x) Danced in the rain-naked (no comment)
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating (and fallen right back down again on my butt… does a whole 5 minutes count?)
(x) Gone to the movies
(x) Shot a gun
(x) Gone on a safari
( ) Been deep sea fishing (the boys are better smelling on land… come now sheesh)
(x) Driven across a country
( ) Been in a hot air balloon (almost almost almost)
( ) Been sky diving
(x) Been hang gliding
(x) Lived in more than one country
(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish (its me come now…)
(x) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser (can an old geyser be beautiful? we have a language communication um problem)
( ) Been on a cruise
(x) Traveled by train
(x) Traveled by motorcycle
(x) Been horse back riding (and fallen off into barb wire fences… )
(x) Been to Disneyland
(x) Been in a rain forest
(x) Seen whales in the ocean
(x) Been to Niagara or Iguassu Falls (Pina Colada’s are better in zee brazilia… )
( ) Ridden on an elephant
(x) Swam with dolphins (does it count if they were 30 meters away???)
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
(x) Been water-skiing (not for long…)
(x) Been snow-skiing (just last week in my street… I still don’t seem to have very good balance… )
(x) Been to Westminster Abbey
(x) Been to the Louvre
( ) Been to the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
(x) Been to a National Football game (England vs Holland, I wasn’t popular wearing orange in the red section for some reason )
Posted by Sanity on February 10, 2009
A nine-year old boy goes into the grocery store, grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register. The cashier asks, “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?”
“Nope,” says the boy, “not for my mom.”
The cashier responds, “Well, then they must be for your sister then?”
“Nope,” says the boy, “not for my sister, neither.”
The cashier is now curious, “Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister — then who are they for?”
The nine-year-old says, “They’re for my little brother. They say on TV, if you wear one of these, you can swim and ride a bike, and my little brother can’t do either of those things.”
Posted by Sanity on February 10, 2009