All posts tagged short joke

Fun: Ole and Sven

imageOle and Sven were fishing on the Michigan when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

‘Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,’ he replied, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

‘Yiminy Cricket!’ exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. ‘Vere dit yew git dat monster??’
‘Vell,’ replied Ole, ‘I got it from my Genie.’
‘You haff a Genie?’ Sven asked.
‘Ya, shure. It’s right here in my tackle box,’ says Ole.
‘Could I see him?’
imageOle opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, ‘Hey dere! I’m a good
friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?’
‘Yes, I will,’ says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks….flying directly overhead.
image
Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ole, ‘Yumpin’ Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!’
Ole answers, ‘Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

3 Comments
by Sanity on February 15, 2009  •  Permalink
Posted in Fun/Humour
Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Posted by Sanity on February 15, 2009

http://sanityfound.wordpress.com/2009/02/15/fun-ole-and-sven/

Fun: Wise old man

A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school.

Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, “You kids are a lot of fun. I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The kids continue to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the man tells the kids, “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income. From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.” The noisemakers are displeased, but they accept his offer.

A few days later, the retiree approaches them again. “Look,” he says, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to pay more than 25 cents. Will that be OK?”

“A freakin’ quarter?” the drum leader exclaims. “If you think we’re going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts. We quit.”

2 Comments
by Sanity on February 12, 2009  •  Permalink
Posted in Fun/Humour
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by Sanity on February 12, 2009

http://sanityfound.wordpress.com/2009/02/12/fun-wise-old-man/

F/H: Priests Retirement Dinner

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
‘I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.’…

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

‘I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,’ said the politician. ‘In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.’

Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late

3 Comments
by Sanity on January 26, 2009  •  Permalink
Posted in Fun/Humour
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by Sanity on January 26, 2009

http://sanityfound.wordpress.com/2009/01/26/fh-priests-retirement-dinner/

F/H: Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all.

He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: ‘Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian’

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, ‘Son.what happened last night?’

‘Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.’

Confused, he asked his son, ‘So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??’

His son replies, ‘Oh THAT… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!!’

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time:

PRICELESS

4 Comments
by Sanity on January 14, 2009  •  Permalink
Posted in Fun/Humour
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by Sanity on January 14, 2009

http://sanityfound.wordpress.com/2009/01/14/fh-good-husband/

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 35 other followers

%d bloggers like this: