A small house warming gift to a fellow blogger for her new home. He may be small but one thing is for sure he is both cute and well… cute.
Before I digress here is his short sordid little tale…
The one thing that can certainly be said about this little man is that his mischievous ways and delightful charm are world renown. Some deem him lucky others just think he is a pain in the arseterior.
His travels started off in Cape Town and on the night prior to his departure for the real world he found himself sitting watching the sun set over Table Mountain. Sitting alone at the table the locals started to feel sorry for him and started buying him glass after glass of delicious red wine. Before he knew it though he soon found himself walking with a wobbly slant towards the restaurants doors, passing out just as he got out.
It seems the locals didn’t appreciate his siphoning all their hard earned wine and felt a little payback was due. As they observed him exiting the restaurant they decided to play a prank and removed all his clothing but the hat, leaving him to sleep into sobriety.
The little guy awoke with the sun baking on him and his alarm clock going crazy announcing that he had 20 minutes to catch his flight. Hearing the racket he jumped up and sped to the airport to catch his flight to Egypt. It was only when he went through security though that he realised all he had on was his hat… Security was a breeze apparently…
Egypt? Apparently he had heard the myth of tall buildings shaped like triangles and couldn’t believe its reality. See, the one thing you must know about this little man is that he is in remission from the Politicus Bullshiticus virus. Keeping that in mind he now takes everything at sight value, not hear-say.
Once proving that the said pyramids were in fact real, odd and
magnificent (between you and me, he was in fact asked to leave many establishments) he landed up in India to go and check out the Taj Mahal. Here he can be seen trying to look serious. Personally I feel that he is actually still getting over his jaunt in Egypt, I mean look at the bags under his eyes!
Next stop, Italy, the land of history and fine food, the land of plentiful’s. It all started out well but alas didn’t last long. As you can see from his expression, his trip so far had started to tire him out. He hopped around a few sites here and there but alas that was all. Finally he decided that he needed to find some loving in the city of love and set off to Paris.
The real trouble started when the little man discovered a Parisian beauty. He fell head over heals in love and was often spotted spouting poetry in the poor woman’s earballs.
He however took it a bit far and was caught, pants down, doing graffiti on the Eiffel Tower. When they caught him he was enacting a Picasso in bright pink and blue, the image? Well this is a family show folks so … erm… yeah. The guys in blue threw him in a 4 walled padded cell with no phone calls. He finally talked them into letting him go on the grounds of insanity under loves spell and ran for it.
While in jail he had heard mutterings of his beloved fleeing to Japan. So, with that, he packed his boots with all the coins he could siphon off unsuspecting tourists and headed out as a stow away on a cruise liner.
Once the ship had set sail the dockhands found him passed on the floor in the bar where he had been trying to hide and was once more remanded to locked doors. When he finally awoke he cracked one eye open and there before him he saw his beloved. He jumped up and ran towards her, arms open and giggling with glee, only to run nose first into the wall… It was a poster of her latest pop album, he had in fact been hallucinating due to the large quantities of a green substance better known as Absinth.
Moments after running into his flat beloved he found himself right back on the floor. Hearing all the commotion the two degenerates guarding the door rushed in and took him to the medical unit where he was pumped full of chocolate syrup. Chocolate syrup? Oh that is the only thing that can be used to combat serious alcohol poisoning in Gnomes.
All chocolated out they released him to work in the very bar they first found him in and soon after they docked in Tokyo. He went from bar to bar looking for his beloved but she was not to be seen. Causing a nuisance where ever he went the authorities finally had enough of his high jinks and threw him out of the country sending him packing to Australia.
Tail between his short legs he finally landed a free man in Sydney. Sitting on the beach and staring out at the Opera House for what seemed like eternity he decided to try get a job as an Opera singer. His mischievous ways though caused a bit of trouble, too much smoking had ruined his already gruff voice and subsequently got fired without pay.
Jobless once more, he started singing on the sidewalks for penny’s and farthings. Pickings were hard to come by and the loss of his beloved was just too much for him. Once more he started causing trouble and once more the authorities got fed up. They sat him down and told him to pack his bags because they were putting him on the next plane out. At least they were kind enough to ask him to what country he would like to go to next.
When asked where he’d like to go he couldn’t get the idea of Copacabana out of his mind, that and the woman of course. He got there without a hitch and it was reported that the stewardesses on board Virgin were relieved to say the least, it seems the little man’s reputation proceeded him. The newly sober Gnome decided upon arriving to make some amends. All the dealings with authorities and being chucked out of boundless countries was finally tiring his old bones.
He started jogging and posing with unsuspecting humans, he found them to be quite humorous and funny not to mention the fact that they paid good money. Unbeknown to him though was the fact that the humans thought he was working for the city of Rio collecting money so that they could stand next to the cow that looked like a zebra (non human).
While collecting his coins next to the striped cow (non human) he heard mutterings of a land that is free and got to dreaming of a life without boundaries. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t believe what he was hearing and, true to his nature, he made plans to move on. What wasn’t said was that his antics where starting up again and the authorities were dropping atom bomb hints for him to move and move pronto.
After a few months of picking up tit-bits and hints, contemplating whether there was any truth in the threats he was receiving and much woman trouble he packed up his coins once more and set out for America.
Once there though he soon found out how tough it was to get a job as a Gnome. Even worse was the fact that his charms and mischievous ways had little effect on the ladies. It seems that his reputation had gotten to infamous levels of notoriety, the FBI had put out a national warning with the mugshot taken in Paris, on all networks and newspapers…. They were just having none of it.
… and so folks the end of this sad sordid tale is that Gnome finally put out a personal ad for a garden to rest his weary legs in.
“Ams shweet, am innoscent, ams retired gnome lookinz fir home. Plez tak moi I am cutist”
How could I resist? I mean really how could I? Just look at him, isn’t he cute!
So Life, Laughter, Love and Light, I give to you the little man better known as Gnome for your new home, may you have many happy blogging moments filled with laughter and inspiration!
Please just ensure to lock the door to the cellar, he has a known passion for wine… you’re readers can’t be having none of that!