Sarcasm 101

*PG

I have a Labrador retriever, and was buying a large bag of Epol dog food at Spar and was in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

(Duh!)

On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Epol Diet again, although, I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital the last time, but I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Epol pellets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me?. I told her no, I’d been sitting in the middle of the street licking my balls when a car hit me.

I thought the guy standing behind her was going to need help as he fell on the floor laughing.

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21 thoughts on “Sarcasm 101

  1. Sanity, be gentle with me here please….you never really did a dog food diet to lose weight and end up in the hospital, did you? And if you DID you wouldn’t be doing it again, would you? You have this listed under humor, and the wisecrack about sitting in the middle of the street was hilarious…but please set me
    straight here so I can stop worrying about you.

  2. I just re-read your post and feel like a complete AH. You were joking “on impulse” right from the start. Sorry! I shouldn’t be writing anything at 12:30 am. after a full day of work!!!!

  3. That reminds me of the time cat food was on sale, and I really stocked up. At the cash register, I smiled and said I had to get something for a quick lunch. She smiled back, but definitely thought I was weird.

  4. Mossy – welcome to my blog, glad you enjoyed this one!

    Psych dahlink I lost my mind a long long time ago but never in a million years will I sit in the middle of the road and do what he did, rather I’ll be dancing 😀 Lol

    Ilegirl 😀 Glads

    Martha – rofl sheesh woman aaah I’ve done the same with the cat food – told the poor woman that I think its better tuna than the human variety, more vitamins… she said…. “Oh really?” all interested like. Lets just say I’ve often wondered if she actually went and ate some *shrug*

  5. I can’t help but smile before the screen now, SanityFound. You said you lost your mind ages ago? Then you’re really ought to be credited for pulling a crowd in with you ’cause I think mine is rolling away as I read this! Anyone giving the guy behind the lady a help, reach out to me please!

    :]

  6. When I was a kid we had a dog. Dog food consisted of gristle, old horses and the bits of whales left over after the Japanese had finished with them. Recently I dog-sat for my sister and it looks like dog (and cat) food has come a long way. It had rice, pasta, green peas and juicy bits of beef. It was better than my dinner!

    That was precisely the sort of wind-up I’d deploy in that situation. 🙂

  7. lmao you know I noticed the very same thing even cat food is better! … and have you seen just how many vitamins and minerals are in there? Phew who needs daily vitamin tabs when you can just dig in paws first!

    I use it to … can get me into trouble 🙂

  8. I also have a lab so I started reading with great interest!! LOL!! I’m like the guy in line, picking myself up off the floor. This is hilarious!!!! You didn’t really say this did you???

  9. I am much relieved to say that the above story was in fact not me although I have done similar but rather with cat food.

    You can’t take me anywhere, even having a coffee is an adventure lol. “Can I please have hot milk with my iced coffee, ta” the poor woman’s face, she didn’t quite know what to do so she brought both 😀

    As I said you really can’t take me anywhere but the dog food one alas was not me 😀

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