While she sleeps here is the juice on Amber

I just love the fact that this world is spinning and as it does I am awake for most of the time while others snore away in dream land. Ok, sure, this also means that while I sleep some of you are awake eating and breathing but this is earth for you. So while my chimping partner sleeps I thought I’d show a few of the photos in our family album. If I disappear for a few days it is due to the fact that I am in witness protection.

Please note that in all photos Amber’s eyeballs have been disguised as not to mesmerize you into thinking she is innocent, they are normally the colour of a panther’s.

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(above) Mom sent this through to me the other day, she was digging around in the old family albums and thought it was too cute – admittedly I quite like the shade of nail polish. Don’t be fooled by this “Who me???” look… if I remember correctly she had just put gum in my hair. Yers I say no more on this matter, naturally mother believed her and not me…

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Now something that not many of you may know, our Grandma had some dealings with space-chimps. Sorry I can’t get into too much detail here due to its top secret nature. That said I did get permission to share with you a photo of the first chimp on the moon (above), isn’t he gorgearse? Ok back on track.

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(Above) Finally in her teens we managed to get her to start wearing less tree climbing clothes and more dainty ones. We started her off slowly by making her wear hats with flowers sticking out like antennae (don’t tell her but they were really antennae). Getting her to wear the dresses was ridiclarsely tough but one day all of a sudden she fell in love with them (especially purple ones). (above right) During the same period she also fell in love with cooking, as you can see she can get inventive – using daisies as a starter??? huh???

Anyway, moving along (I know shocking, daisies!). Below left you can see her working her moves, she is an excellent dancer. Please note however that just after that photo was taken she fell off the table knocking her head, she has been special ever since.

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Above right – yip I know, you were wondering the whole time who the third chimp was, yip it is Amber on the right folks singing her little heart out Lauryn Hill style. The only video I could find is off her first LP (yip LP you heard right) but it is a bit PG21 rated so listen to it at your own discretion. Please note that it is a a cover version, her voice is not at all like that (well anymore). I am still trying to track down her other videos, they seem to have taken it offline (probably FBI), if you find any please let me know so that I can share it with the rest ok, thanks.

Below left is one of her fans, a little pug, he fell so madly in love with her that he even started dressing like her, cute yes? Hmmm something tells me he didn’t like his photo being taken…

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Singing career on the back burner (after meeting the above mentioned dog, I mean fan, she got a bit scared of weirdo’s) she was offered a role on Oprah’s cooking show (above right). She went on for one show but decided that the hat they wanted her to wear was just not to her liking. See she is quite particular about the hair… you don’t believe me? Below left is a photo of her sporting the “morning look”… It takes hours to perfect and no hat is going to mess that up for her!

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As you can imagine, due to the number of hours it takes to get the hair perfect, she is a self acknowledged coffee addict. No, not any coffee but Starbucks… she and her friends taunt me often with the mere mention of that place. Her friends? Oh wait sorry, phew, that was close almost forgot photos of the friends. Right, they are as follows, I am only mentioning three due to the fact that these are the only ones she has allowed to have contact with me (I am ΓΌbber special see).

First up (below left) is Ilegirl, please don’t be fooled by that “innocent” smile, yes stare at that image, she is going to steal your chocolate strawberries. Next is Brit and @mmonyte, Men in Black? Yers don’t mess with them either, one will whip you at Everquest with his potions and the other will steal all your cookies. As I said … dangerooos beyond words these three added to the the hair monkey up top… sheesh yers hmph

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Ok well the singing career is still “continuing” though now she mainly does private concerts for charity and cooks delisharse meals sans chef hat. Specially for you though I managed to get the photos of the below paintings of both her (below right) and her husband (below left) that currently hang in Buckingham palace (very rare photos and I had to kiss the queens royal butt to get them to)

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Yes it wasn’t pretty kissing her butt but I did it just for you, aren’t those paintings special, one of a kind, kind of material? Yips!

There are soooo many photos I could share with you but I will leave you with the one below in fear of retribution and law suites – this one is a wild one!

The hair runs in the family… Below left is a photo of her kid (they look alike yes?) then on the right is Amber with her adorable niece… don’t they all look alike??? Cutes? Yes? *grins*

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Oh before I forget, here is one of her and her pet duck… I know sweet

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Right, I am now officially in witness protection! If I am on the quiet side forgive me for she knows hit men and presidents…

I am relieved to say not Mugabe…

but still it is tooooo dangeroooos

Over and out

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14 thoughts on “While she sleeps here is the juice on Amber

  1. Welcome sista Amber. You thought we would leave you alone didn’t you?? Well, welcome!!! Sweet innocent little Amber is finaly getting her just deserts!! BTW, I’m still the cutest sista, my mirror tells me so! ROFLing……

    I am pissing myself!!!!!!!!!!

    You are just to much….aahhhh…………..

  2. Ah… wiseguy huh???? lol you are in sooooo much troubleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Paybacks are a bitch thats Ill I have to say!

    Very cute sweetie…. you harpooned me perfectly! LOL

    Come on out of witness protection…. I wont hurt you… see innocent face 😐

    Come on out…. don’t be scaredddddddddddddddddddddd………..

  3. Keep Running, Amber has an uncle called “Pauly” who lives in New Jersey where he claims to run a restaurant with his friends Tony and Vinny.

  4. Shhhh Ammo , Im trying to get her to come out of witness protection..

    Don’t listen to him honey… I don’t even look Italian do I??? You can come on out..I have a present waiting for you and everything. Homemade cookies.. just for you!

  5. *peaks round the corner* erm really? A chocolate chip cookie??? πŸ™‚

    You sure?

    *runs and grabs cookie super fast before Amber can go Italian on her ass*

    @mmo am not too scared – remember I can go Mugabe on her ass at any time *grins*

    Ok she scares me I’m going back into the program (witness) coz I am scared that innocent face is erm well yeah lets just say not innocent *shakes*

    One more cookie? πŸ™‚

    ROFLMAO glad you guys/girls/chimps enjoyed it

    *runs back into hiding to plan her next harpoon*

  6. Ah ~ I love family trees :D!

    So you were awake while I was sleeping? Gee. Hehe. What a big, happy family! I don’t think Amber’s smiling…it’s a smirk more like it πŸ˜€

    Oh wait! I can’t talk to you, you’re in the program. Amber might have hired the FBI and they might be listening right now [=.=]…oops! My bad! Over and out then πŸ˜€

  7. See I am coming out to play while she snores *grins* I felt her glare earlier just before she packed up laughing rolling all around the floor like the chimp she is – hmm I really am going to get it for that one… nahhhh who could be mean to my innocent face huh?

    Careful Glaize am getting to know you which is always a dangerarse thing on this blog πŸ™‚

  8. Meanie! That is just RUDE!!! *goes off and throws a tantrum*

    Ok hun I am dared, good luck – not today for I have a bachelorette party to attend but soon, when you least expect it πŸ˜‰

    *steals some cookies back*

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