Don’t like Shopping?

This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

image

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3” in housewares….. and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the anti-depressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the “Madonna look” using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed “NO! NO! It’s those voices again.”

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while then yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here.”

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Don’t like Shopping?

  1. I’ve done a few of these things, not the really gross ones. The “pick me!” one, I’ve feigned crying to get sales people to leave me alone, darted around humming spy themes… does that make me a bad person?

  2. Oh Lindsey, your as funny as this one called Sanity!! LOL!!! This is great. If my son saw some of these he’d try em. I think I will NOT tell him any.

  3. ROFL Lindsey too funny you are erm yers Joy I too have don’t a few of them, some I still plan on doing!

    Dare you to go to an ATM and when it pushes the money out scream “I won! I won!! I WON!!!”

    … dare you!

  4. I forgot to mention taking a blanket and book and curling up in the furniture department, which is NOT on the list…

    You ladies are great, too! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s