The myth of the Snake Whisperer

image

They won’t always be like that

They will change

I know they will

They’ve had a hard life, you can’t blame them

They are suffering

I know that it won’t be long before they snap out of it

Soon

I just know it

It’s only a phase

They love me I know they do, deep down they do

They will change

Bullshit

They’re never going to change, sure there are reasons for them being the way they are BUT is it really making them the way they are.  It is only not a choice when someone is psychologically ill.

The truth is only the snake can stop being a snake, only they can decide to get help or to change their ways, only they can, not you nor I can do it for them.  There is no such thing as a Snake Whisperer, there never was, there never will be.

We go for years trying to “fix” the other person to the point that it can become an obsession.  Just one more chance, one more try, they’ll come around… they never do.

What if instead of helping them slay their demons we are feeding them with our “what if’s” and “one day soon’s”.

It doesn’t matter who they are, husband, your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, sibling… a snake is a snake.

Problem comes in with the fact that you can’t divorce your parents nor your siblings.  Sure you can “leave” them, stop all communication, etc but the need is greater.  The need to have that “family” love, sometimes that need can be so strong that we forget common sense all together, we dress the snake up in sheep’s wool.

Slay or feed?

From experience, without realising it I have been feeding a snake, a very big snake, in my life.  All the “wants” I have succumbed to and I am not proud of the fact either.

What makes the snake in my life so sick?

  • The need to control due to the fact that in their own “lives” they have none. These instances can be subtle ladled with guilt and oozing possession.
  • Low self-esteem causing them to belittle the other in public and in private to the point of ridiculous.  This can also cause them to belittle any achievement and to enhance all failures, once again both in public and private.
  • Pity, making statements to evoke pity and attention thereby putting their hope of ever attaining happiness in your hands.  I can’t think of the correct term for this.
  • Low self-image.  That is workable on its own but when the person can not admit to failure within themselves or their actions it can get to narcissistic levels.  Others then get the blame.

That is all sugar coated “with words” emotional abuse that can make a person so scared to put a toe out of line that they become quivering wrecks.  Second guessing becomes second nature if not first, low self-esteem becomes contagious and soon you end up being just a shell at their beck and call.

Snakes come in many different shapes and sizes…

My snake is trying to get better, they asked for forgiveness, they show remorse and an inkling of understanding regarding their actions. <– Who am I kidding?

I’ve held on to the belief that my snake would change because I have craved that “love”.  I have held on to the idea that it is not only possible it is also attainable and because of that I have forgiven each trespass and accepted it as if it were fate and truth.

Thrive

Feed

Whither

Die

They suck you dry.

We all get to a point where our hopes and dreams of people becoming who we hoped they would be die a withering death.

My snake is who they are, they will never change, they will always be the same.

They will always be that way until they choose to change, until they choose to get help, until they realise just what they are doing to those that love them.

My snake realised once

My snake never really changed

How is yours? Any change?

It is good to mourn the loss of an ideal that will never actualise.  I mourn the loss but I now accept the snake for what it is…

We all want to be loved, we all have that basic need … sometimes that need is so strong we forget to love ourselves.

A hard life doesn’t give you the right to be a bitch/bastard

A snake is a snake, sheep’s wool always falls off

I’m done trying to whisper to snakes, their fangs never become blunt just sharper.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “The myth of the Snake Whisperer

  1. This post is amazing. And SO TRUE. And this part “they love me I know they do, deep down they do” gave me goosebumps. It’s even worse when you think they treat you badly BECAUSE they love you and then you start to WANT it.

    This is such a powerful post.

  2. “What if instead of helping them slay their demons we are feeding them with our “what if’s” and “one day soon’s”.

    This is one of my favorite parts, and one most true for me. By feeding it ourselves, we are helping it to grow stronger and more lethal, rather than helping it tame itself. This one is also the most true part for me, and in turn, is part of my lesson for the week for me in terms of those in my life, and those that have been in my life. By giving that person chance after chance after chance, I am feeding that snake relentlessly; I am creating the beast that then torments me. Time for me to put those snakes out to the fields…….

    I believe that I have said this to you many times before, but this has to be one of the most powerful posts that you have ever written………

    Damn proud of this reflection, girl. You must be exhausted……..

  3. The timing is perfect and the contents even moreso (sad, but true). Thank you so much for writing this. I’m sorry that you had to suffer so much, but you are learning and growing stronger by the day. And by sharing it with others you are contributing to making the world a better place. 🙂

  4. Wow. That hits so close to home. It is painful to finally accept that those who are SUPPOSED to love you, don’t act in ways to make you feel it.

  5. Another one bites the dust….

    Beautiful… I am glad you finally are realizing this. I feel bad to make you walk through the path of the burning coals. But your new skin will be tougher, and you will have less fear.

  6. My snake was a spiritual spiritual mentor/leader and it took me almost 5 years to connect the dots and as you alluded to, something inside of a person dies after their hope that change is just around the corner gets dashed time and again. The changes in my life that came as a result of dealing with this have been good…Amber touched on one of them…it did cause me to grow thicker skin and the passion and energy for life returned after a time. I hear ya sister

  7. Wow! I suppose what is – is. Accepting that the person is a snake and making a concientious decision as to whether you want to be fanged or not is the key. However, we must not fool ourselves that a snake will not bite; for just when we think the snake is our friend, he or she releases the venem – ouch. Good one! Hard one for me today; but I needed it. I sometimes think that the universe put our little circle together for a reason; we have valuable lessons to teach each other that we for some reason feel unable to learn from those we know and are close to. Anyway, enough of the rambling . . . Lov ya lil sis. I’m reposting today – my muse seems to be asleep; it may be new to you though. PLL, CordieB.

  8. My ~ another wonderful post, gurl! Came across a few snakes so far. They got better – after I ditched them which makes me wonder, perhaps they like to bite me…only me…

    Oh wait! Let me correct myself. They only seemed to get better – till I discovered they found someone else’s heel to bite on…

    Hmm…I pray they’ll stop snaking around ’cause when things turn on them, I know it’ll hurt just like they’ve hurt those they bit.

    Brilliant post, sis! You hit my head hard with this one :] thanks!

  9. Hayden That is the really scary part, I think we start to think they treat us badly because they love us just to make sense of it our heads – I mean why else would they do it? We don’t want to go there – unlearning that thought process is trial and error – I used to call it my comfort zone. Treat me badly and I was happy. Thanks, I honestly didn’t realise that it would be that powerful.

    Vanessa you know me too well, scary lesson and heart breaking at the same time. Love how you said it though “put those snakes out to the fields…….” you and me both! Thanks you! You are not meant to agree with slave driver person.

    Martha, thanks huns like we said last night – snakes eat confidence yes? Everything happens for a reason.

    Kwoneshe2 Isn’t it just ironic and by their actions they only show their true intentions – normally me me me me … sad, so sad.

    Amber I am licking my wounds after being so “cocky” last night now I am petrified for the new topic … can I call you a cow in public? Thank you and no I will not apologise ever again.

    DM am with you bruffa yip can be scary as hell – we always have to be careful though not to let that thicker skin prevent us from still loving fully… rather it should just make us wiser and preferably not older!

    Cordie I often think about the very same thing and yes agree that our circle came together for a reason and it is for those very lessons you speak of. Not only the lessons though but also for that support. Perhaps in the online format we feel safer to feel, be and care – less danger? Either way I love it!

    Joy if the fangs appear again I fear we will have to bring in the snakebusters

    Glaize Thanks you – yeah it is sad but they never seem to learn, its always a constant cycle and if they aren’t biting us they’ll just find someone else. At the end of the day a snake has to feed to survive and we all know shedding that skin is too much for them because it means they’ll have to admit who and what they are!

    Thanks all now am off to find a UK dictionary Safari hates my britishisms dang!

  10. You have addressed EVERY conflicting and emotionally draining hope, dream, and wish I ever had for my snake. It has taken many years of “second chances” to realize that it has to be the snake’s choice to change. I am slowly getting my life back with the help of family and wonderful friends; taking that huge step to allow the snake to deal with the consequences of his actions without affecting me any longer. Your powerful words have called out to me and I will be referring back to this post to give me strength on my journey to peace of mind. Thanks for sharing and I will be rooting for you, too as you continue the journey to be rid of the snakes.

  11. Freedomwon, thank you for what you say re these words and the snake… dang they can be slippery! Not meaning to be corny but they are. Steps to get away from these snakes take incredible courage and bravery, the fact that you have done so I applaud and I bow, I know what it took. What it takes now as well as the healing begins. The journey is more worth it than I can say, just hang in there.

    Every step of the way it will be pom pom and loopy dances!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s