Friday Funnies Bumper Edition

As is now becoming a tradition, albeit a good one, “Funnies” are posted every Friday.  It is totally voluntary but funny as hell on toast with fries to boot.

Other Friday Funnies so far (will be updated through out the day)

Friday Funnies! ~ a-broader view

The Wedding Invitation… ~ Ambermoon

The Miracle Pill… I found the Cure!!! ~ Ambermoon

Various Short Jokes and One Liners

  1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
  2. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  3. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
  4. Diplomacy is saying “nice doggy” until you find a rock.
  5. Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
    He sold his soul to Santa
  6. What’s another word for thesaurus?
  7. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
  8. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  9. Excuses are like asses, everyone’s got em and they all stink.
  10. Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.
  11. Q. What’s the ultimate rejection?
    A. When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
  12. Q. How do you double the value of a Yugo?
    A. You fill it with gas.
  13. Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
    A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Best Pickup Lines

–Do you work for UPS? ‘Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!

–Come on baby, sex is like pizza: Even if it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.

–I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!

–Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?

–All those curves, and me with no brakes……..

–If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon

–I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day

–I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen -one?

–Wanna play army? I’ll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

–There’s a party at your ankles… why don’t you invite your pants down?

–If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

–I’m like a tropical island: hot exotic and open for tourists

–I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.

–How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?

–My love for you is like diarrhoea, I just can’t hold it in.

–You remind me of a championship bass, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!

–Your name must be Visa, because you’re everywhere I want to be.

–I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

–Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.

–I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house.

–You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

–Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

–Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s.

–You got more game than a playstation

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If you post any funnies let us know so we can follow, laugh and fall off our chairs with you!!!

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9 thoughts on “Friday Funnies Bumper Edition

  1. Wow, just wow! Love the pictures! And well…excuse me while I go and hang myself at the balcony. Perhaps that will stop me from laughing. Or maybe not.

    I think I’ll just try to hold my breath so I’ll stop laughing. 3, 2, 1…

    …okay, I’m still laughing. May I be excused?

  2. LOL..funny..I was eating ice cream as I was reading this…and literally choking over it..! I still go to catch up with ambers post! 🙂 And what more funnies do you want, when you are the walking talking living joker yourself.

  3. Ah the two youngers

    Glaize I read excused as executed omg now am lmao phew you really are a nutter Glad I got you laughing out loud and erm please don’t do anything dangerous laughing is good for erm yeah

    Deeps you choked??? *does partay dance* dang just heard on the radio it was a suspected choking but alas not dang! Takes one to know one hun and I had to learn from the best 😛

  4. The address one is kinda corny.. no? I like the Visa one..

    I get this strange, extremely strong urge to have blond moments when I get pick up lines from least expected quarters or ‘dumb’ men.. At other times, I laugh.. You think either is normal?

  5. Lol I normally just throw it back at them and see how they fall – I’m bad cause I make them buy me a drink for torturing me… warned you I am mean

    Glad you enjoyed!

  6. do you have a map – I keep getting lost in your eyes. That’s really quite poetic, don’t you think? I bet I’d fall for him. 😀

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