BE POLITICALLY CORRECT WITH WOMEN
- She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
- She is not a BAD COOK – She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
- She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
- She is not CONCEITED – She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
- She does not want to be MARRIED – She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
- She does not GAIN WEIGHT – She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
- She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
- She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
- She is not TOO SKINNY – She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
- She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE – She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE
- She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS – She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
- She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
- She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
- She does not GO SHOPPING – She is MALL FLUENT.
- She is not an AIR HEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
- She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
- She does not get FAT or CHUBBY – She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
- She is not COLD or FRIGID – She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
- She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
- She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
BE POLITICALLY CORRECT WITH MEN
- He does not have a FAT BEER GUT – He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
- He is not a CRAP DANCER – He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
- He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
- He does not SLEEP AROUND – He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.
He is not BALDING – He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
- He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER – He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
- He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK – He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
- He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG – He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.
- He is not afraid of COMMITMENT – He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
- He does not STINK – He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.
- He is not a GROPING PERVERT – He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.
- He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS – He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.
- He does not IGNORE YOU – He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.
- He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB – He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.
- He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES – He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.
- He does not act like a TOTAL ASS – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.