“Dad, I’m Gay”

imageTell me, what did you feel seeing that post heading?

Those are the words two separate families heard at separate times, two different reactions, two different boys building up the courage to finally utter the words “I have a boyfriend”.  These two boys know not of each other nor have they ever met.

One, we shall call Adam, he has a single mom and is all of 16 years of age.  The other boy, or rather man, we will call Luke, he’s 21 with a stay at home mom and a father that works for a good company.  None of the fluff matters, who their parents are, what they do for a living or whether they are single or married, it does not matter.

I happened to be sitting between Adam’s mother and Luke’s father at the end of a table which seated 12 people one night. We were all enjoying drinks, laughing, joking around and having a good time, it was a get together of like minds and a few of us had just met for the first time.  As you do, you start to talk to the respective’s and it turned out that Luke’s father came from Cape Town. This naturally got us talking the lingo and about the life down here versus life in London.

The conversation at the table eventually turned to finding me a husband, my visa had been rejected for the last time and now they were all trying to come up with back up plans.  Luke’s dad piped up “I would offer you my son, perhaps he will be game though I don’t know what my son-in-law-to-be will think”.  I cracked up immediately, he and I come from similar stock, I understood exactly what he meant, this was just a comment and at the same time for him it was normal like saying “daughter-in-law-to-be”.

Adam’s mom took a double take, her jaw just dropped. She then told us about her son and how when he told her that he was gay she had been really upset.  She told us how she was torn in two by it for she loved him but had never planned this for him.  She was still upset by the fact that her son was gay and couldn’t get her head around the fact that here sat a MAN who was ok with his SON’s sexuality.

She sat there for a few moments then turned to Luke’s dad and asked “Why are you ok with your son being gay, does it not upset you?”.  That was when I witnessed one of the most beautiful conversations I have ever heard in my life.  He turned to her with kindness in his eyes and said to her “I have suspected that Luke was not into women for a long time, that he preferred men and because I suspected this I tried to make it easier for him to be open about it.”.

This stunned Adam’s mother beyond belief and she asked him why he had not told Luke that he knew or broached the subject sooner.  Luke’s father just said “If I had forced the issue and not allowed him to come to me then I would have been seen as judging, which I wasn’t. If I had brought up the question of his sexuality I may have put him in a box which I did not want to do, I did not raise him to think that he WILL be a doctor only that it is one of the many options available to him, same with sexuality.  I wanted to see how he evolved and how he transformed into his true self.  All I could do through it all was just be there, listen and continue to show that I was never judging only loving of who he is and that it made no difference whether he liked boys or girls just not sheep”.

She then asked him if he was disappointed with how his son had turned out and he responded with “Luke is Luke, he is my son and I love him for who he is, he is a part of me, he will only disappoint me when he is not true to himself, only then will I be upset”.  Jaw dropping again, we were stunned and I was once again grinning from ear to ear.

This blew Adams mother away, it blew me away, she couldn’t though understand how he could be like this.  It wasn’t ever in a nasty way, she was grappling with this push and pull in her heart and soul.  We have all felt something of this, none of us are immune.  This woman is truly amazing, seriously, I love her to bits and this was a very profound conversation for her.  Seeing her internal fight, Luke’s father explained to her that her reaction is not wrong, it doesn’t mean she is a bad person it just means that she was brought up with a different set of “rules”.  Our society teaches us wrong and rights and we live by them, the commandments if you will, just because “they” set them out doesn’t mean they are wrong, sin, or anything else.

He then went on to explain that coming from a city like Cape Town where being gay, having gay friends or having a child that is gay is normal. While walking in the streets of Cape Town it is no shock to see two men holding hands or two women for that matter, it is rare that anyone will blink an eye lid at all. Yes there are still people who can’t stand to be around homosexuals or anyone that doesn’t fit into their predefined boxes but the majority don’t care.

Two different parents, two different societies, two different views.  Luke’s father said it was because he came from a place where sexuality didn’t matter, that he would walk his son down the isle.  Is it because he grew up in a more free thinking society or is it because of his security in the knowledge of who he is and what he prefers?

In Cape Town same-sex marriage has been legal since November 2006, the “news” says that one out of four girls has at least kissed the same sex, one in ten boys has done the same.

I am the same as Luke’s dad, I don’t care what you are, you can be the President or in a same sex marriage, you can be blue, yellow or Martian, I really don’t care.  None of that fluffy stuff matters, we all have the ability to be an asshole, we all have that choice, that’s what matters.

Do you hate what happened in South Africa, all those years of Apartheid and sanctions, then turn on the TV and watch the Olympics in China?

Do you castigate and rip off a homosexual person only to go home and fantasize about a threesome or sleeping with someone of the same sex?

Freedom to vote is great.

Freedom to love who you want to, now that is true human rights.

In my personal opinion a homophobic(ist) is the same as a racist, if not worse.

You don’t have to be African to fight the Apartheid, you don’t have to be White to fight it either, you just have to be human.

You don’t have to be a lesbian or a gay man to fight this Apartheid, you don’t have to be straight, you just have to be human.

Are you human?

The box of which “sexuality” you are is the new Apartheid of the world, it is an old one but now it has a name.

Apartheid.

Now fight it

For statistics and information please click here.

This post was inspired by Lindsey who’s post’s brought this conversation back to me, the posts are Discovering the Girl God sees: a lesbian’s storyGay Marriage Vs. Polygamy and Bestiality and Does that box come in my size? Vanessa’s post I am NOT an abomination! is also a must read.

*names and some identifying details have changed

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19 thoughts on ““Dad, I’m Gay”

  1. I bet Luke’s dad is a great man in many aspects of his life. Very human.
    It is a sensible subject. I like to think I’m open enough about it but if I’m honest I don’t know how I’d feel if one of my kids told me the same. I would respect their choice, of course but I’d feel quite uncomfortable. Not by opinion but I don’t know why: education? Instincts? Something I’m not prepared for even if I have already thought it could happen.
    It’s not phobia. I have the most respect for parents who can react like this man, it’s wonderful.

  2. Yes he is an incredible person, very open minded and down to earth. My personal opinion is that it is the mindset of the society we grow up in, if no one minded in the first place then we would not mind our children freely choosing.

    Perhaps I am wrong, I have no kids and I only recount what happened. I still can’t believe that same sex marriage is not legal through out the US, only in a few states, where as in countries that are known to be prejudicial have legalized it.

    I guess there are some things I will never understand but somethings that just are.

  3. When I read your title I thought, “uh-oh, I better stop calling her ‘girlfriend'”. If you had one they might not understand that I mean it in the “You’re so fierce, girlfriend!” way.

    Whoo! [wipes sweat from brow] What a relief!

  4. Lindsey same here, guess we’ll only know how far society has come once we are there hmm

    Hayden LMAO can just see your face now soz you! Was meaning to change it earlier but got distracted – its misleading as it is and I don’t want it to seem like I am taking the gravity away from the situation… hmm did that come out right?

    *hands Hayden a chocolate brownie in leu of stress* eish

  5. I’m speechless!! Yes, go ahead, write that on your calendar!! It doesn’t happen often! I’m blown away by this. You HAVE to love your children for who they are. No matter what.

    What a dear and wonderful man.

    Great post today huns.

  6. Joy huns I am speechless by your speechlessness, honestly I have sat with this response to you for admittedly well over 30 minutes now and it aint any easier. Do your boys know how incredible their mother is? Honestly, do they have any idea? Thank you for being the mother you are to them and for being so dear to my heart!

    Hayden lmao non gravitas perfecto – mind you, that word just reminds me of what my beloved brownies do to my kick ass thighs hmph (why does it always hit me there first???)

    Love ya to babes! Am so jealarse, wish I was with when you and Amber have coffee *sniff* alas one day

  7. In my mind, it’s pathetic that homosexuality is still an issue for some people. No one cares that I sleep with a man, right? It doesn’t make sense that a person is judged by their sexuality.

    Thanks for the good post!

  8. This is a tremendous post; you portrayed it with such sensitivity, and what an awesome set of parents, both of them, that the dad was just letting his son be who he is meant to be, and a mom who is still trying to figure it out, at least asking the questions and not just shutting her son out….

    Thank you for this….. V.

  9. Wow. Very moving post. I said those words to my parents twenty years ago when I was 18. Now I’m starting to wonder what they say about me at dinner parties…

  10. Ilegirl I believe that we are on the cusp of another revolution except this time it is of the societies mindset. First it was the male/woman equality, then it was the racial equality and now, now it is sexual equality. It’s evolving each and every day. One day we will be free, each and every one of us.

    Vanessa Glad you liked it huns, there is just so much in that conversation that we had that I am still blown away. For one, it destroys the archetypical thoughts that men are the aggressors, women are the acceptors, here the roles were reversed. Ah so so much in it. Those parents are truly amazing, ah there is always hope if we are willing to look outside ourselves.

    Scott perhaps they are trying to set you up to marry a person such as myself who cant get a visa? Lol thanks for your kind words and hats off, 20 years ago life was far different to now, I’m glad the times are moving forward, well I hope so anyways.

  11. DAH…I simply agree, love the people and humans for who they are as a person, rather then defining them of their sexuality, caste, breed and religion. YOooooo…way to go!

  12. Amandzing *hugs* Things are changing and remember always that you have this odd adopted sister in Cape Town oks

    Deeps yes agreed I pray that I will see this in this life time or at the very least in my next. Thanks you

  13. I’ve always fantasized about having a green-card wedding to punish the US federal government for mistreating gay folks, but you should know before you get here that our house contains two men, two dogs, two cats, and no maid. We have one of those vacuum robots, but it works so hard we’ll probably be the first ones locked up when the machines finally take over.

  14. LMAO a vacuum robot??? Dang ok I will be housekeeper, baby sit robot and cook meals (don’t listen to anyone that says I can’t) deal? My plight to save you from being locked up … the time is coming i-robot scared me!

    Oh boy you have me laughing before my coffee, that is unheard of!

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