Looking back, Looking forward

imageAh a month of milestones it looks like it will be. On the 24th of this month it  will be a year since I first started blogging and boy has a lot happened in this last year.  If asked how this year has been I can honestly turn round to you and say “Holy macaroni” aka “it’s been a true adventurous wtf year”.  It truly has had its ups and downs, the downs have been real low and the highs have been mind warping.

My first post on wordpress was “Changing tides of oblivion“.  Reading through it now I have to laugh to myself for who I was then is far different to the person I am today and yet not.

“I sit here and I wonder how life can change, life’s chapters leading to each other in a heart beat and yet so distinguished that it is known to be the new rather than the old. We often are oblivious to life’s changes, the progression from the past to the future, from our waking thoughts to our reality. A chance meeting, bumping trolly’s in the store, a long lost relative returning, the guy at the check out counter, can alter one’s life’s course – think about it, life is just one big adventure.”

It was 20 days before I left for England to start my new life, looking back on the year I still believe that life is just one big adventure.  No, I mean it, it has been one incredible year, one I won’t forget in a hurry that is for sure.

My total belief system and structure has been smashed to pieces. I have been forced to trust people, to break down those proverbial walls and accept peoples love for me as genuine.  I must admit  that I feel lighter spiritually even though I am erm heavier in the body (sorting it out).

In this last year I have been knocked to my knees more times than I can tell you.  I have lost close friends to the other side and lost a few to “trimming out the snakes”.  I have been spurned by governments and by my own because of the country I come from and the colour of my skin.  I’ve been let down by family, by friends, people saying one thing and doing another. I’ve found myself put into the oddest of situations, one big MF if you ask me.

I have been quiet the last couple of days because I found out that one of my best friends father died on Friday.  This man, oh boy, he was the silent type and showed very little affection.  I first met him when he came down from a neighbouring country to visit.  When faced with the prospect of her fathers visit she had to look at the situation and decided that I was the lessor of two evils.  She moved me into her place and her father into mine for 3 weeks.

This poor man, a stout Afrikaaner who barely spoke a word of English found himself in the presence of moi, a very English, extroverted, out there kind of gal.  The family thought it was hilarious, this conservative Afrikaans speaking man who could barely speak a word of English was enamoured with a very extroverted crazy English girl.  We would sit there for hours just talking and him telling me all about my friends home town, the people and the life.  By the time he arrived it was week 4 after leaving coke-head-aerosol and he took me under his proverbial wing.   We got along like a house on fire and I loved him to bits. Totsiens Oom ek sal vir jou mis.

It’s been a rough year but it has also been a good one, I have lost many dear to my heart but the universe has given me ten fold.  Each that I have lost I will remember and keep a place in my heart for them for I was truly blessed to know them.

In this year I have had the opportunity of getting to know my little niece in England, someone very close to my heart.  I have experienced true genuine friendship and kindness from total strangers.  I have been lifted up time and time again by people who barely know me.  I have been gifted things I would never have dreamt of.  I’ve gone from blonde to brunette and learnt that painting my toe nails each a different colour only goes with black.  I have grown spiritually stronger, flushed so much gunk out that I am slowly but surely healing all the wounds and breaking down thousands upon thousands of walls.

This year has been truly awesome and given the chance I would live each and every gain and loss if it meant that I would be where I am today.  Today, knowing you and knowing me. Yip, I’d do it again.  I can not change the past nor can I prevent the bad things from happening but what I can do is choose to live, choose to breathe and choose to love fully.

I choose.

I get this sneaky suspicion that the next year is going to be as crazy, as hectic but this time I go into it knowing that I have amazing people in my life.  That makes a lot of difference I can tell you.

Thank you for the year gone past and thank you for the years future, may this next chapter come together soon!

The one thing no one can take from me?

My Spirit

I’m broke but I’m happy
I’m poor but I’m kind
I’m short but I’m healthy, yeah
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m lost but I’m hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I’m sober
I’m young and I’m underpaid
I’m tired but I’m working, yeah
I care but I’m worthless
I’m here but I’m really gone
I’m wrong and I’m sorry baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I’m free but I’m focused
I’m green but I’m wise
I’m shy but I’m friendly baby
I’m sad but I’m laughing
I’m brave but I’m chicken shit
I’m sick but I’m pretty baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything’s just fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab…


16 thoughts on “Looking back, Looking forward

  1. I couldn’t help but look at the young ladies in the mirror.

    Let me offer some practical advice.

    If they wouldn’t wash their clothes in hot water and then dry them in the dryer they wouldn’t shrink so badly.

    I hope this helps.

    Congrats on your first anniversary!

  2. You too have blessed me w/ your life immensely. The monkey post you created for me (and the rest of the crew) was the coolest creative gift anyone has given me in years..(honest)…You have such a beautiful heart. your friend DM

  3. Hi sweetie!!! What a year it has been for you…. sadness and much joy…. I am so glad for you in that. I know that you have brought total joy, humour, light and love to my life, and am so grateful for your presence here…… Always with you sis!!!!

  4. I admire you. No matter what life gives you… you take it… you take it and make it yours… that takes strength and an incredible power…
    you may have a crazy year and a crazy life… the reason for all the love is your energy. You have graced us all with your light… may you forever shine and be as beautiful as you are… thank you for being an inspiration

  5. Joy Thanks you *hugs*

    Mssc54 lmao I will pass on the message to my friend, think she has been wondering why everything just keeps on shrinking!

    DM I never dreamt that my spoof would mean so much to you or anyone else, they were fun to do and I enjoyed it immensely. I’m glad that it did though, that means a lot. Thank you my friend.

    SymbolicGodzilla there will be a time soon when I have little time to blog and that will be because I have flown the coup… soon. That fund I don’t speak about because I am still getting my head around it and the escape plan, wells… think prison break!

    Froggywoogie awws that is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever “said” to me, thank you my friend!

    Vanessa thanks sis you’ve helped without even knowing it, everyone has, I have been truly blessed in that way. Bright stars in the night sky, a warm wind on a chilly night. Blessed.

    Hayden I just love that word “yourselfness”, thank you for your yourselfness as well, it has been a light in my life.

    Enreal Wow your words blew me away, thank you for saying what you have said, i am speechless

  6. Robert you are the sweetest!

    Deeps thanks for the gift – perhaps next time we cam you can not bring out the chocolate and eat it in front of me when I do NOT have any near by oks Thanks

    SG Thanks you, yers I plan on stealing laptop as well!

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