F/H: After the beep

imageActual Answering Machine Messages Recorded and Verified By The World  Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages:

10. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine – this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling…. and I’ll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a “sexy” message, I’ll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages.

1. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right… real slowly. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll call you back.

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6 thoughts on “F/H: After the beep

  1. The one I had said ” If you recognize this voice, you know who you called, Therefore you know why i am not answering the phone, so you know the routine…thanks.
    but these were great…
    now if i ever have a phone again, I might try out a few..

  2. Lol, I liked all of these.

    The ones I absolutely despise is when mommy and daddy let little Johnny or Salley put the message on the machine. You can’t understand a friggn word they are saying but mommy and daddy are sooooo proud. Sigh.

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