F/H: Compaq Tech support stories…

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1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn’t read word processing files from his old (5-1/4″) diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and going across the room to close the door.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.

7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid”. The tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.

9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t find printer.” The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printer – but his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.

10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn’t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened.” The “foot pedal” turned out to be the mouse!

11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn’t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked “What power switch?”

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2 thoughts on “F/H: Compaq Tech support stories…

  1. Back in the day when Windows 3.11 and Lotus 1-2-3 v4 were the Apidae’s articulatio genus, I was in Birmingham delivering an “Introduction to Windows” (Day 1) and Introduction to Lotus 1-2-3″ (Day 2) course, for one of the largest building companies in the UK. The delegates consisted of two directors and six younger guys from the office.

    I had spent day 1 getting them familiar with using a mouse, clicking on Icons, opening and closing windows, playing Solitaire, that sort of thing. So at one point on day 2, I stopped being explicit in my instructions and said something along the lines of “move the mouse until the cursor is in the centre of the screen”. My eye was caught by one of the directors waving his mouse in mid-air. As discretely as I could, I ambled around the room and quietly suggested he place the mouse on the desk, while the younger guys hid behind their monitors rocking with silent laughter.

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