My brother, my friend

20 December 2007

14:15 pm, England

12.15pm, South Africa

Was the time I got the call I had dreaded since I knew there was no hope, no miracle cure, no wonder drug that would save him.  Stage 3 cancer in his Liver, through his veins, riddled in every organ contained by his body.

“Lee, Lee, he is gone”

Numb, pure numbness through out every ember of my heart and soul.

I was with my sister having a glass of wine in a small town called Avebury, a place we visited often during my previous trip to the UK for photography.  We had just gotten up, cameras in hand, when the call came.

I remember hearing the words, watching her watch mine, feeling my knees start to go weak.  I couldn’t really talk, nor could the person calling, so I hung up and just stood there, not moving for what felt like hours, time slowed.  I had known 10 minutes before I got the call but to actually hear those words floored me.

Only the good die young and that is one of the things Lee most definitely was.  A man not scared to just spontaneously grab you for a hug, burst into laughter with tears in his eyes at bad jokes, caring to a fault, compassionate and kind.  When you spoke to him he would look you in the eyes and they would sparkle.

He knew he was dying but he tried to stay positive for all those that loved him, those that were hurting.  A sacrifice and yet not because it kept him going, a shred of hope and that sparkle right till the end.

Lee is an inspiration to me, he really proved that it is possible to stay positive when the going is gone.  If I were to hear the same news that once befell his ears I hope that I would be as strong, as gracious, loving and courageous.

There is much I want to say but right now the words are failing me, I mourn not for him but for myself, my loss, the loss of a friend and a brother, the loss of one incredible human being.

Love you brother and miss you each day since you are gone from the earth but I know you were meant for greater things, we will meet again in the next.


11 thoughts on “My brother, my friend

  1. I’m so sorry, Audrey… What a wonderful person Lee sounds like. I’m so sorry that you had to lose such a wonderful brother and friend to you, and I just want to send you hugs and positive thoughts. I know how it feels to lose a human being who is truly incredible- my sympathies with you this day, dear.
    The first year anniversary is hard – get some people around you to hug, ok?

  2. Christmas time, either seen as religious or not, is a lovely period to share some love.
    I’m sending you some love Audrey, lots and lots/
    Lee is now an angel who is incredibly proud of what you have become and looking after you, I have no doubt about that.

  3. I understand completely.. My sister died 16 years ago.. I continue to think of her, especially around Christmas time (Her bithday was today)

    I don’t know that it’s something you ever recover from. Learn to live with – Yes.. Ensure that you live everyday to the best of your abilities – Yes.. Recover/understand – No..

    Take care..

  4. He looks like a great guy, and you described him so lovingly. I’m so sorry for your loss. You were blessed to have loved and been loved by him. I’m sure your brother knows how much you miss him. In that sense, hopefully you can still feel connected.

    Wishing you and your family a close and memorable holiday season.



    P.S. I meant to tell you before, but somehow it got away from me… I love what you did with the site header – “seeking peace, sanity and happiness from within”

    I couldn’t have said it better myself 😉


  5. Thank you for sharing this. It is so sad to lose such a dear friend. I’m so sorry. But I’m sure he’s very proud of you for how far you’ve come this past year, and he’s watching closely over you. Take care. By the way, I hate Christmas, too. I don’t mind the basic idea, but all the crazy stuff that goes on… no thank you!

  6. SI Thanks huns, I got big big hugs, can’t tell you how much I needed them yesterday hmm

    Froggy your comment brought tears to my eyes, I feel him close always and he truly is an angel for sure! Thanks huns, lots of love back to you!

    Ilegirl Thanks huns, it means a lot, more than I can say!

    Psych I always love hugs, am a hug addict lol! Thanks huns, it was a harder time last year watching him waste away and not being able to help him. He accepted his fate before any of those who loved him.

    Fibi, I am so sorry for your loss, you know that from me after reading this that those words are not empty. I understand that pain. I am glad that you keep your sisters memory alive and close to your heart, she smiles down upon you and knows you treasure her still. I hope that my siblings would do the same for me one day.

    SpiritFREE Thanks huns for both your kind words and your compliment for the banner, it was done through Amber’s and my design company, Amberfiresanity Design Studio :). Good to see you again, you’ve been quiet *hugs*

    RB Its more the fighting and the hate that flows through peoples veins than the carols or lights, presents or anything else. Others disrespect during this time of year breaks my heart over and over again. Perhaps I feel too deeply. Thanks for your kind words and thoughts as always.

  7. You know the thing about Lee? He was the first one who gave you love and you gave it back. He showed you that this world isn’t full of horrible people and gave you hope.

    For that I will be always grateful to his soul.

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