Phew *breathe* ok wait… another breath *breathe*
Right so this is a little reality tale of the little surprise hidden in a box just for me… cute? yes? wait…
Guy arrives at door with 40ft container in hand, ok well, not quite in hand but rather in road blocking traffic. We find him a spot on a distant road where no one knows where I live and he parks it all hidden like… not that a 40ft container can be hidden… anyways…
He delivers the news that he thought he was dropping the load off at an industrial estate because a) he can’t just drop it off in the street due to the fact that the container on the back of the truck is high up and b) the stuff weighs a bleep load so need big strong men to help alone female. He then goes on to tell me that I need to organise a company that he can go to, drop the stuff off at and then a normal van to deliver it back to me that a) fits in my drive way and b) has BIG strong men.
Right, no big strong men in site, I make us some extra strong coffee (I got 3 hours sleep last night long story for another time) and I get to googling and phoning time and time again removal companies. Low and behold a) no one is really interested in working the week of Christmas b) are fully booked or c) cost 1000 pounds plus plus plus (yeah lots of pluses, just can’t bring myself to type the full amounts out, that was one of the cheaper ones).
Finally after about 20 calls I get someone willing to do it for 500 pounds. *breathe and smile, clink coffee cups with Container truck driver*. Sorted. Well, then there was this rather loud knock at the door, phone in hand I go and answer it only to find 4 big strong boys AND a van standing in my driveway all smiles. Right. Hmmm. Sorted, hung up the phone and told the guys that I was just about ready to kiss each of them in relief. They seemed happy with the thought before I realised what I had said. Another hmmm?
6 trips in van to the Container’s secret location, 390 items ticked off on 10 pages, house FULL of boxes and sealed mysteries, the fun began. Truck driver left all smiles, poor guy gave me a hug and said well done for keeping my cool. Was grateful, he said I was the coolest Souf Effriken he has ever met. Bonus. Wait till he meets my imaginary friends!
Worked those guys till they were dripping in sweat, the van was filled with packaging and all sorts of boxes, poor guys, happy SF. They left at 15.00 then the real fun began. Seriously. I started in the kitchen, actually I haven’t finished the kitchen yet … hey I am typing this right.
Anyway’s so I got on to box 4 of 10 (yes just for the kitchen *smiles*) and started unpacking the items onto the floor to unwrap all the paper when it wiggled. It WIGGLED. There below my descending hand wobbled and wiggled the most scariest thing in the whole wide WORLD! I screamed so loud I am surprised that the fire station didn’t send over a truck, seriously. I am hoarse now so that should give you an indication of clangour or rather just really high pitched noise that can be known to shatter glass to shards.
There in the box, partly hidden by some more paper, lay the most ugliest creature I had ever seen. An American specimen of scary best known to most as a SPIDER. It continued to wiggle and wobble as I glared at it. GROSS. It was HAIRY! Guess American brands don’t know about razors or shaving equipment hmph.
It took me at least a full minute to realise that it was a gift from one of the kids. A beautiful gift at that, a fake, plastic, real looking, disgusting, red eyed, wobbly, wiggly monster. Wonderfuls.
a) do I throw that disgusting piece of hairy wobbly wiggly plastic in the bin OUTSIDE, or
b) put it in a safe place and return it to him when he gets back from the states risking the chance that he will surprise me again. He is a 7 year old boy, we know this is going to happen right… or
c) plant it as a surprise back awaiting his return to pay the kindness back. Great idea but ten to one it is in fact going to be surprising me again before it does him…
We love spiders
We love surprises
Just not together
I am so seriously going to get them back
This is war of the spider…