A simple answer
I am Me
I don’t subscribe to labels.
I had a dream a couple of weeks ago in which someone stood in front of me and asked me “Who are you?”. They told me not to answer but to think. I remember looking at them and thinking WTF. They just repeated…
And so I started to think and haven’t stopped since the moment I woke up. Immediately after her last statement “Think”.
At first I thought well at the very least I am a survivor. I survived being allergic to my own father, I’d have coughing fits when ever he’d walk in the room. He was an alcoholic in massive proportions and died when I was four and half. I survived my first molestation at the age of five and half by a relative, my second at the age of 7 by another not related to me by blood and at age 15 by a friends father. He went to jail. I survived an attempted rape at the age of 14. I survived being abandoned and homeless at the age of 14. I survived the streets. I survived years worth of physical abuse that often led to me being unable to walk. I survived watching my own mother beaten black and blue. I survived emotional abuse that led to me being bulimic and destroying my chances of ever having my own children.
The label of “Survivor” though doesn’t sit well with me. I am also not a victim though according to societal structures that is exactly what I am. I am not a victim nor a survivor. I am me.
It happened to me. I learnt from it all, I used the lessons to help others and get them through difficult times. I am just me. Was it easy? No, nothing that makes us stronger ever is.
I am more though than the sum of my experiences.
I am someone who is still standing, living, breathing, loving, giving. I believe in the goodness within us all and the human capacity to have compassion in the strangest of circumstances.
The truth of the matter is we all go through something at one point or another, most people walking these dear streets around us have gone through something either similar or at the very least have caused their souls pain. None of my experiences make me unique. This is one of the biggest lessons I have learnt through all my life experience. No one persons pain is greater than another. It is theirs and they own it, it is their journey, their sonder.
Who am I?
If not a survivor nor a victim? I am who I am, I am minefield of quirks and wonderful strange pieces of a puzzle that is unique in the world of adventure.
I love travel, meeting new people, experiencing different cultures around the world and submersing myself in them fully. I am a nomad of sorts.
I am a keeper of secrets. Strangers on the street often find themselves telling me their deepest fears, their passions and their history.
I am someone who doesn’t subscribe to labels or societal conformity. I am not gay, straight, bisexual. I am not a survivor nor a victim. I see things differently from most and I am more than ok with that.
I don’t believe in religion but in the universe, in energy and in life.
Who am I?
It’s a very simple answer that took me more than 2 weeks to come to. I am simply ME…
And finally…I don’t care who you claim to be or what you look like. I care who you ARE.
What I listened to while writing